The story had so much promise, but boy DID IT SUCK!!!!
The worst story I have ever read on this site!!!
by
Anonymous11/10/07
It wasn't all that bad
The build-up was good, good background too. Unfortunately after all the introduction, the end was just too abrupt. There was nothing wrong with HOW it ended, just way too abrupt. Next time stretch it out and give us a teaser about the next chapter.
by
Anonymous11/10/07
very verbose and boring
Wordy, Wordy ,Wordy!!!!!
This is literotica.com, not a "how to write a novel" class!
by
Anonymous11/10/07
Good start
Don't let the knuckle-draggers discourage you. I think it's a good start, and am looking forward to further episodes. Those who don't like plot and character development should just get some pictures to look at while they pleasure themselves.
by
Anonymous11/12/07
Incest???
Where the hell was the incest?
by
Anonymous11/12/07
um...
it says chapter 1. what the fuck is wrong with you people. act like you're old enough to be on the website and give constructive criticism, not something like "boy did it suck."
i thought it was an excellent premise and i'm looking forward to more chapters.
Excellent start, looking forward to the rest of it... Don't let all the little limp-wristed idiots get you down... They obviously can't read... Says that this is chapter 1...
English
Great Theme Idea-CRAPPY FINISH!!!!!
The story had so much promise, but boy DID IT SUCK!!!!
The worst story I have ever read on this site!!!
It wasn't all that bad
The build-up was good, good background too. Unfortunately after all the introduction, the end was just too abrupt. There was nothing wrong with HOW it ended, just way too abrupt. Next time stretch it out and give us a teaser about the next chapter.
very verbose and boring
Wordy, Wordy ,Wordy!!!!!
This is literotica.com, not a "how to write a novel" class!
Good start
Don't let the knuckle-draggers discourage you. I think it's a good start, and am looking forward to further episodes. Those who don't like plot and character development should just get some pictures to look at while they pleasure themselves.
Incest???
Where the hell was the incest?
um...
it says chapter 1. what the fuck is wrong with you people. act like you're old enough to be on the website and give constructive criticism, not something like "boy did it suck."
i thought it was an excellent premise and i'm looking forward to more chapters.
Chapter 1 is just fine
STRONG start! Now just keep it coming.
Looking forward to the rest of it...
Excellent start, looking forward to the rest of it... Don't let all the little limp-wristed idiots get you down... They obviously can't read... Says that this is chapter 1...
Thta's a...
...pretty funny introduction.
There's nothing foreshadowed, but plenty of directions the whole thing could go afterwards.
Very nice!
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