The poor grammar and choice of words made this basically impossible to read. You have decent ideas, but please get someone to help you refine your writing
by
Anonymous10/30/07
spell check
The gratuitous errors made the story impossible to enjoy or finish reading.
That was such a HOT STORY, but it took my professional code-breaking skills to be able to read through all of the grammar mistakes and misspellings enough to make the story make sense. It was so very frustrating to have to read most of the sentences two or three times to figure out what it should have said, that I could completely understand everyone's complaint about it. I don't like to grade grammar and spelling if the story is good and descriptive because most spelling and grammar mistakes are easily overlooked and so commonplace as to make them acceptable. This story just became harder and harder to enjoy. Don't get me wrong, I loved it! I thought it was very descriptive, full of hot action, and the only unbelievable portion was that a guy, even a younger guy, could cum three times in such a short period of time and be able to reach a fourth without a very long rest! Some guys might be able to do that, but most can't get past the second orgasm without incredible difficulties reaching another climax, even in their youth. Still, things like that are more acceptable than the amount of errors in verb tense, spelling, and word usage ("were we where" vs "where we were"). You have a great imagination and could be a great writer with a decent editor! I hope that you will search for and find one so that we can all enjoy your creativity!!!
by
Anonymous10/30/07
non-comprende
the storyline showed promise
however was let down by the lack of proper english
made it sound like a desperate teenager trying to get his rocks off
dissapointing
by
Anonymous11/05/07
I liked the plot of the story, but the gratuitous grammar and spelling errors desperately need to be fixed. Next time you write a story, have someone proofread it for you and edit it before you submit for the public to read. Otherwise keep up the good work.
by
Anonymous01/08/08
The Very Hottest
Forget the previous comments. You write the hottest stuff I've ever encountered on Literotica. So forget those assholes and keep right on giving it to us--short, sweet and lowdown.
by
Anonymous02/22/08
wtf
what the fuck go back to school and learn to spell and write then do a rewrite and it might be ok but as is it sucks i couldn't even finish it it was just to hard to read and understand
by
Anonymous09/12/12
Such Promise, Needs an Editor
Honestly, I liked the plot but it really was unreadable. It ruined the flow of the story and was difficult to stroke to.
Have one of the volunteer editors on Lit. help you out and then repost the story.
To everyone, stick to constructive criticism to help this promising author become better.
by
Anonymous12/16/14
Your writing sucks!
Seriously your writing totally turned me off in the first paragraph. I could not read the story because of all the mistakes.You really need to get an editor before submitting any story!
by
Anonymous07/06/15
Good...but
It did turn me on but you do need to proof read before submitting.
English
revise
The poor grammar and choice of words made this basically impossible to read. You have decent ideas, but please get someone to help you refine your writing
spell check
The gratuitous errors made the story impossible to enjoy or finish reading.
This was so badly written I couldn't enjoy it.
Arrrrgh!
That was such a HOT STORY, but it took my professional code-breaking skills to be able to read through all of the grammar mistakes and misspellings enough to make the story make sense. It was so very frustrating to have to read most of the sentences two or three times to figure out what it should have said, that I could completely understand everyone's complaint about it. I don't like to grade grammar and spelling if the story is good and descriptive because most spelling and grammar mistakes are easily overlooked and so commonplace as to make them acceptable. This story just became harder and harder to enjoy. Don't get me wrong, I loved it! I thought it was very descriptive, full of hot action, and the only unbelievable portion was that a guy, even a younger guy, could cum three times in such a short period of time and be able to reach a fourth without a very long rest! Some guys might be able to do that, but most can't get past the second orgasm without incredible difficulties reaching another climax, even in their youth. Still, things like that are more acceptable than the amount of errors in verb tense, spelling, and word usage ("were we where" vs "where we were"). You have a great imagination and could be a great writer with a decent editor! I hope that you will search for and find one so that we can all enjoy your creativity!!!
non-comprende
the storyline showed promise
however was let down by the lack of proper english
made it sound like a desperate teenager trying to get his rocks off
dissapointing
I liked the plot of the story, but the gratuitous grammar and spelling errors desperately need to be fixed. Next time you write a story, have someone proofread it for you and edit it before you submit for the public to read. Otherwise keep up the good work.
The Very Hottest
Forget the previous comments. You write the hottest stuff I've ever encountered on Literotica. So forget those assholes and keep right on giving it to us--short, sweet and lowdown.
wtf
what the fuck go back to school and learn to spell and write then do a rewrite and it might be ok but as is it sucks i couldn't even finish it it was just to hard to read and understand
Such Promise, Needs an Editor
Honestly, I liked the plot but it really was unreadable. It ruined the flow of the story and was difficult to stroke to.
Have one of the volunteer editors on Lit. help you out and then repost the story.
To everyone, stick to constructive criticism to help this promising author become better.
Your writing sucks!
Seriously your writing totally turned me off in the first paragraph. I could not read the story because of all the mistakes.You really need to get an editor before submitting any story!
Good...but
It did turn me on but you do need to proof read before submitting.
why a condom and not the ?
better bareback
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