There was very little tension or build up in the story. There also wasn't much sense of the taboo that you would expect in an incest story - did you shy away from full incest by having the brother be adopted when he was 11 years old? It's almost like two lifelong friends finally have sex together.
On another note, I would have to say that when the narrator, a young woman, was describing her physical appearance, it came across unrealistically. The fact is, almost no younger women truly celebrate how they look. No matter how thin or attractive they are, what we focus on as 19 year olds, or 20-somethings, is the things we don't like. The description would have been better either coming from the brother's internal thoughts, or some other third person.
Other than that, a fairly decent short story.
What I liked: Some people will complain that it wasn't true incest because he wasn't her biological brother. Don't worry about that because someone will always complain about either side of that fence. Alix having the hots for her adoptive brother was sexy in my opinion. Nice lead in. Not too long of a story. The vision of Brandon leaking pre-cum in his sleep was pretty hot. "He was a tall drink of water and I couldn't help that I was thirsty" was a fantastic line.
Didn't like: Seemed like you introduced the sister by name late in the story. You may want to make use of the editors here on Literotica. That's not a knock on your writing skills, just sometimes a second set of eyes can help reword things a little better.
Overall, I really enjoyed the story. Please at least write a sequel or a couple more chapters to this story. I think you are on to something with these characters.
i liked it, but unfortunately, the cliff hanger left much to be desired. Which is probably good for you, haha. it kept me very interested, and i enjoyed your descriptive language. (I also like that the female character and i share names, although mine is spelled traditionally ).
by
Anonymous05/19/12
I loved it when she told him to slam his big cock in her pussy. i could almost feel how tight her little pussy was. Yummy!
English
Not bad, but somewhat rushed
There was very little tension or build up in the story. There also wasn't much sense of the taboo that you would expect in an incest story - did you shy away from full incest by having the brother be adopted when he was 11 years old? It's almost like two lifelong friends finally have sex together.
On another note, I would have to say that when the narrator, a young woman, was describing her physical appearance, it came across unrealistically. The fact is, almost no younger women truly celebrate how they look. No matter how thin or attractive they are, what we focus on as 19 year olds, or 20-somethings, is the things we don't like. The description would have been better either coming from the brother's internal thoughts, or some other third person.
Other than that, a fairly decent short story.
Great litttle fantasy!
Great job! Very exciting! Keep up the great work!
good!
rushed, yes; but well worth the read. Go into more detail next time! some more if you could please?
roticwizard
loved it
you should make another chapter. it sounds unfinished.
great story
I agree though it does sound unfinished.. I want more ..at least another chapter what happens next.. hope you add more soon.
Absolutely Amazing!
Outstanding work; nicely organic delights and the passion comes careening to a big splash! Bravo!
Hot hot hot
I loved it. The whole not REALLY her brother thing is sexy to me. I'm thinking of doing a step-brother story next! :) Great job!
Very well-written and erotic!
A slow, teasing build up would have raised the heat level several more notches. Nice job!
I like it a lot!
Nice story, well written. Some additional detail would have been nice.
Fun story
Very fun story. I liked it a lot.
What I liked: Some people will complain that it wasn't true incest because he wasn't her biological brother. Don't worry about that because someone will always complain about either side of that fence. Alix having the hots for her adoptive brother was sexy in my opinion. Nice lead in. Not too long of a story. The vision of Brandon leaking pre-cum in his sleep was pretty hot. "He was a tall drink of water and I couldn't help that I was thirsty" was a fantastic line.
Didn't like: Seemed like you introduced the sister by name late in the story. You may want to make use of the editors here on Literotica. That's not a knock on your writing skills, just sometimes a second set of eyes can help reword things a little better.
Overall, I really enjoyed the story. Please at least write a sequel or a couple more chapters to this story. I think you are on to something with these characters.
Cool!
I really liked this but I was hoping for more
i liked it, but unfortunately, the cliff hanger left much to be desired. Which is probably good for you, haha. it kept me very interested, and i enjoyed your descriptive language. (I also like that the female character and i share names, although mine is spelled traditionally ).
I loved it when she told him to slam his big cock in her pussy. i could almost feel how tight her little pussy was. Yummy!
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