by wombat76
We like the start of such a story. Perhaps the "older sister angle could be explained at the end [details].
I enjoyed this short tale and the twist at the end was a complete surprise.
Flesh it out! More involved sex scenes, and fill in the back story. A good beginning, give us more!
In my Opinion the Incest angle in this story is Completely Unnecessary, specially the end as to me Personally it doesn't sound like the MC knows that he has a sister. Because from what you made it out to be is that the MC Never Had a sister. But if you wanted to communicate to us your reader, that the MC had a sister and she dead for Unknown Reasons to us, and you either want o keep that as a 'Plot Twist' or that he MC is too traumatized to talk about about it or whatever. You could have just added a Sentence like "Oh My Good Sis I can't Believe it I've been fucking my sister all this time?" And even then I believe you have Opened a Can of a Proverbial Can Of Worms as you needed to explain again to us your reads How Close they where? How she died? How Long Ago She died? Since when she's been in to Incest? Why Now? Why Not Sooner? And finally was there a point in having the sister have sex with the MC? Such is she trying to Coma back to Life? Or was there another reason? Questions like these in addition to the sister's past while she was still alive. And shit like that. So to me it would have been better if you left out the Incest part and just Have the MC Fuck just a Random Ghost and just leave it at that, if you just anted to do a Smut Story. With the Incest Part the sister just feels more like a Plot Device and less of a Character, much like the Alcoholic Parents.
(3/5 Stars) For A Smut Story (To Be Perfectly Honest)