Just a Dance

The story lacks any tension or build up

The narrator claims that he never has thought of his twin sister in a sexual way before. Yet when she proposes giving him a hand job (which leads to a blow job), he has no qualms about this? As written, there's absolutely no tension, no sense that either one feels they are really having to break through a barrier, and do something taboo. It's almost like a buddy fuck, and not very exciting at that. For example, his sister seems almost Spock-like when she asks: Do you want to be in control, or do you want me to ride you? Incest is taboo! It should feel wrong, yet so right; cause feelings of guilt which are overridden by deep desire; cause one to question him/herself and morality in general. This story lacks any of those elements.

Actually the point of the story is that there was

no tension or build up, at least on the part of the narrator. Other than that it would be just another sibling incest tale

Actually the point of the story is that there was

no tension or build up, at least on the part of the narrator. Other than that it would be just another sibling incest tale

nice start

hope you add more to this it is a good start

Nice

I thought this was good and realistic

Very Nice

Looking forward to more.

dry

Sorry this one was like reading an instruction manual. There was no emotoion built into the story.

Band wagon comments.

I really quite enjoyed the directness of this story. While there are a bunch of people who say no tension no build up, they are overlooking the obvious merits of this work. There is a progression and a nice clean directness about this tale. And as a dancer things can happen that fast. A nice work indeed.

However life is in the details. the one suggestion I have is spend a little more time in description and details. This is a good work. I am sure the author can produce great work. so be constructive people... support your community. And Magic Maniac keep writing... this is a good step. I look forward to more. Or even polish this a little with a detail. A sharp breath, an interior monologue. at your leasure. but at the end... nice. Keep writing.

Terrible Grammar

Cold and emotionless and, if that wasn't enough, the terrible grammar removes even _more_ fuel from the fire.

Please fix your grammar. It's a buzz kill.

This was so hot.

Please write more. This one was hot.

Please write more

Let's dance

A good story, with nice structure and pacing.

Marimba?

I thought the marimba was a musical instrument that looks like a xylophone. When did it become a dance

Good, If True

True, there was little emotion or buildup, but the plot line was one of a thing that might have actually happened, and that made it worthwhile. I love confessional stories, especially of things like incest, that actually hurt no-one, but are social no-nos. Ohenry would have appreciated this.

MORE we need more

The story was crisp and delicate with a knock out finish I loved it. The only thing I regret is the length I felt like I could of continued reading for hours.