It seems to me that a good story is probably in there, but it's difficult to read. For one thing, you have these characters who are undefined pronouns until a paragraph or two later, and then they suddenly sprout a name. And I still can't tell where they are, or even which century. (Oh, and compare the verbs peak vs pique.) It's a rather short chapter, given these unanswered issues.
-- KK in Texas
by
Anonymous12/29/07
enjoyed your story as far as it went. i have read submissions on lit for quite a while and love the variety. i envy your ability and would like to submit something myself. keep it up as it is enjoyed by some of us.
by
Anonymous12/29/07
i like it!
i think it's good, i like the style you wrote it in.
(and don't worry what people like KK say, they're just taking things too seriously, little tiny problems with grammar, word choice, etc, are allowed!)
but seriously, i can't wait to read what's next, i really do like this story a lot
by
Anonymous12/29/07
Muddled.
Not an easy read. Clunky at times, and a few words were misused. Not horrid by any means, but would definitely benefit from a decent editor. Don't stop writing.
by
Anonymous12/29/07
Interesting
start to the story. I'm looking forward to seeing where you take it. It is a little confusing to read and would benefit from some editing, but I didn't think it was all that bad, and I liked your writing style.
English
nice
Nice start, don't make us wait too long
It has potential.
It seems to me that a good story is probably in there, but it's difficult to read. For one thing, you have these characters who are undefined pronouns until a paragraph or two later, and then they suddenly sprout a name. And I still can't tell where they are, or even which century. (Oh, and compare the verbs peak vs pique.) It's a rather short chapter, given these unanswered issues.
-- KK in Texas
enjoyed your story as far as it went. i have read submissions on lit for quite a while and love the variety. i envy your ability and would like to submit something myself. keep it up as it is enjoyed by some of us.
i like it!
i think it's good, i like the style you wrote it in.
(and don't worry what people like KK say, they're just taking things too seriously, little tiny problems with grammar, word choice, etc, are allowed!)
but seriously, i can't wait to read what's next, i really do like this story a lot
Muddled.
Not an easy read. Clunky at times, and a few words were misused. Not horrid by any means, but would definitely benefit from a decent editor. Don't stop writing.
Interesting
start to the story. I'm looking forward to seeing where you take it. It is a little confusing to read and would benefit from some editing, but I didn't think it was all that bad, and I liked your writing style.
A promising start.
Nice introduction with seemingly interesting characters. Looking forward to more.
Interesting ...
I want to read more : ) post soon
good start
Like your start. The story can go so many ways. I also like your writing style. keep up the good work
Beautiful love story
Wow. This was a great read. Loved the natural details.
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