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English
Good start
Hope that this story will continue
Very nice
A nice, mysterious beginning that draws the reader in...hope to see more.
:)
I liked the story and i hope the next chapter will follow soon.
Heck of a start!
Dont let this hang in the wind....Reveal the secrets both are holding and hit it with a great ending and if it takes 4 or 5 chapters thats ok too.
Please continue this story!
Great start! Can't wait to hear more.
Good start
The story was interesting enough that I would read more.
I suggest though that you take time to edit your own story, or get one of the volunteer editors to do it for you. You switch between present/past tense, even within the same sentence(stories are usually in past tense, by the way. "she set down the bag" instead of "she sets down the bag). There are a few spelling errors too.
Overall though, not bad for a first submission.
PLease update fast!!!
I really hope you update this story fst and please I beg you don't take to long in updating and please don't let it be to long of a story cause I couldn't handle waiting till next you to finish the story lol!!
i agree please update fast..
i want more...the whole story....i do hope you write more soon it has a very mysterious beginning i love that...great work please add more soon..
Really Like This Story
But switching tense is very confusing and frustrating. As I read it I find myself changing it. Not the story, the tense. You should try to describe the story, make the characters real. Instead of " Luke takes her bag up the stairs." Luke found her bag and brought it into her room.
I'm not an editor by any means but using the correct tense and telling the entire story from "his prospective, or her prospective, or a third parties. Make it past or present tense and the story will move.
The story idea is very good. And it makes one want to read on and find out what happens.
Tricia
Some like It Hot!
i had great dreams after reading this story. The writer clearly knows the components of a great romance story.
Very Good Story
I am enjoying reading this story but you should try to give details about how they first met and why she was there in the first place instead of reading her walking up to the front door with a piece of paper in her hand.
Atlanta,Ga.
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