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English
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Not a pleasant read though powerfully filled with masculine pain — the sort never spoken of publicly.
Excellent
the shape of this concrete poem is brilliant in the way you made me hear the voices. I was cringing by the second: shut the fuck up.
I'm with Champ on this one
It really is an amazing construction. The combination of terse language and the offbeat formatting communicates just the edgy, alternating shouty-whispery tone I think you intend. You have a Beats-influenced post-modern rhythm in this (and many of your poems) that works just right for me. :-)
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I agree with Champ and Ange, however it became boring and a little too whiney. Perhaps one less shut the fuck up a little more speaking up?
"it's hard being a man/
livin' in a garbage can"
- Lou Reed
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