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My Witching Hour

byswallowedscream©
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Comments (6)
by Anonymous

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by twelveoone01/06/08

Why?

Best so far of today's (i'm working down from the top), but why six and then seven chimes of the midnight hour. I'm puzzled by the line break on "this" - it looks like a a thoughtless follow through with what you did as a lead into the previous stanzas. There they work. Otherwise probably a more intelligent work of need than I have seen previous.

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by Angeline01/06/08

Excellent writing!

This poem is just really well written. It works for me because it's an extended metaphor, and the only places I think it goes off its game is where you leave the metaphor. So, for example, the lines with questions (in maybe the third and next to last strophes, I think) sound like telling. The line with the adverb--"so fucking slowly"--also seems to intrude to me. And the ending, I'd lose the "Please...," but that's just my opinion. I came to read it because it got great reviews in the new poems thread, and I'm glad I did. :)

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by LeBroz01/06/08

~~

Superb! This is one very looong second between chimes. And another excellent example of making enjambment work. Most poems I reread because I don't get it at first; the rest I reread for the pure pleasure of the craftmanship and the contents — this falls into the latter category.

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by sweet GA peaches01/13/08

What......

haunting images the night-time keeps,
where demons dwell and wicked sleeps.
Not to disturb the unkempt soul..
Where love unravels, death unfolds.

Tis very rare for something to inspire me,
My words, (lame) or not-
were inspired by the black velvet
you painted on my sky..

Wonderful writing, oooh and I do love it !!

-sGp-

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by sweet GA peaches01/13/08

What......

haunting images the night-time keeps,
where demons dwell and wicked sleeps.
Not to disturb the unkempt soul..
Where love unravels, death unfolds.

Tis very rare for something to inspire me,
My words, (lame) or not-
were inspired by the black velvet
you painted on my sky..

Wonderful writing, oooh and I do love it !!

-sGp-

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by sweet GA peaches01/13/08

Sooo Sorry,

But you got another vote, LOL...
I did not mean to click on my comment twice..
But then one could say, it was worth 2..

sGp

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