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Sydney's Spiral Ch. 01

bysassybrat80©
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Comments (7)
by Anonymous

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by Anonymous01/17/08

Why capitalize "you"?

I enjoyed the story and hope you keep writing, but in the first sentence I could not get over why "you" was in caps - for awhile I thought you might be a nun. Anyway, as I read further I enjoyed your style and think with more experience you'll be a fine writer. Keep up the good work.

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by ms_magdalene01/17/08

Great start

I can't wait to read more about Sydney!

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by Fiestylass01/17/08

Beautifully written

I thoroughly enjoyed your tale and look forward to reading more of Sydney's progression. An enchanting beginning, thank you for sharing.

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by lindacpoe01/17/08

Enjoyable read

I enjoyed your story very much. I look forward to the growth of Sydney with her new Master. Keep up the good writing!

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by cheesy80s01/17/08

Not much here yet but a promising start...

I'll go with this one and give a litle since it's your first.

You have a promising start, although your protagonist's automatic obedience to the man is stretching credibility a little. Perhaps a backstory explaining how easy controlled she is would be helpful.

Keep the "You" and "Me" lowercase in the future; it's a little distracting.

Take this as constructive only. Can't wait to see what your deviant imagination will unleash in future entries.

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by TomsMilf05/09/08

i like ur emotional detail

i am a fan of the claiming of sleeping beauty by anne rice. this cant compare to that but i think u are doing fine.

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by JudyLee10/10/15

Intriguing.

A good beginning. It caught my attention right away. I did wonder at her immediate acquiescence to a total stranger. Even I, though, was drawn to his gentle commanding demeanor.

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