All Comments  for

A Pleasant Surprise

bysexxxy_jack©
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Comments (8)
by Anonymous

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by don8765401/22/08

Very erotic and natural....

Wow, no birth control on this mother, and she doesn't mind having your baby? Where does she live? I'd love to find her...

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by Anonymous01/22/08

This story is

Mediocre at best

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by Anonymous01/22/08

What are you.....14 years old?

The woman has a 23 year old daughter and no baby that she is lactating for....and her breasts squirt milk on demand???? "I impregnate her with my cum?" It is like you have been taking your state-required sex-ed class and slept though it. Poorly written and lousy story. Try reading some of the stories on here and get a clue Jack!!!!

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by cheesy80s01/22/08

Time to hone your skills

There are moments of hotness here, otherwise, this is contrived and dull. I think what put off most readers was the expectation that this was a true story, based on your opening. It obviously wasn't.

Be especially careful on crafting better dialogue. Your protagonist doesn't need to repeat the character's name every time he addresses her. It sounds fake.

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by Anonymous01/22/08

People it's a fantasy and as such I like it.

You have to excuse some reviewers because they don't have the guts to write themselves but give grief to others who do. I enjoyed the fantasy.

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by sexxxy_jack01/23/08

To all those who read this story

this is my story and I would like to make it known that this is a cyber sex conversation adapted into story form so please think about that before you judge it.
thank you

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by Anonymous01/23/08

Childishly crude

Not much here but then given your age and typing 1 handed it can be understood.

Perhaps some your age in mind or body will side with your viewpoint of what is exciting. When each grows up beyond the crudeness and lack of meaningful arousal perhaps you could be better and more erotically subtle.

Until then - suggest you read and practice offline.

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by Anonymous01/23/08

Have you had sex before ?

If you have cum on her breasts the chances that you can continue to fuck here is quite slim.

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