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Try Something Else As A Form Of Expression
The whole concept of this "story" is superficial and badly flawed. The dialogue is atrocious and, you’re right, there are severe grammatical errors throughout the text.
Get off of it!
Those who can DO, those who can't - make up mindless criticism of someone who is willing to try something new for a change. If you want to read religious texts you're on the wrong site. You find sexy FICTION here.
Dear Harmlessfun - please overlook these idiots and keep writing for the few of us who are willing to give someone a chance to succeed.
Don't listen to them
This was awesome. I don't know what those other guys are saying. I didn't catch any grammatical errors so most likely, the so called errors were small and insignificant. Grammatical errors are only a problem when you can't read the submission. Keep writing because the people who actually enjoy this site for what it is will like you stuff!
Good first submission
Pretty well done for a first time effort. You do have a few mistakes in some word choices but keep writing, you'll clean those up. The characterizations were reasonably well done though I do find the wife's rationale for her affair a bit weak. If Sonia's hubby were as impotent as suggested, I cannot imagine why they would still be married. More likely, she'd go buy a good vibrator and get after it. Sociologists tell us that the reasons women have affairs usually has little to do with sex. It's often about companionship, intimacy and/or emotional support so Sonia's descent into adultery because she's starved for sex rings hollow. It's not impossible, just unlikely.
The plot is weak because there's no conflict. In that sense, the authorship here is thin. The vignettes are interesting as stroke material but don't contribute much to the literary value of the story. I'm often amused by commentators who say that they just want stroke. Why would you settle for less when your author can give you stroke and so much more?
Thank you for effort.
W.T.F.
I guess the loving wife is loving someone else.Oh well, shit happens. Story not bad for first time,I'll look for more,thanks.
Storyline was great ...
I think the storyline and dialogue was good. There were some grammer errors that could have been found with a few more re-reads or a helpful Lit editor. Keep up the good work!
As for the moral majority ... go read the WatchTower or something will ya! It's call Lit-erotica! and this is what the ad states: Welcome to Literotica, your FREE source for the hottest in erotic fiction and fantasy.
Lack of experience doesn't excuse everything
Ignoring the grammatical and spelling errors, not to mention the missing words, this read like the outline of a particularly uninspired porn flick. There's no real characterisation, the dialogue is leaden and the "plot" just doesn't add up.
Has she really told her husband? Is this some kind of elaborate game? Do they really believe this affair won't wreck her marriage? Or don't they care? Unfortunately, the reader certainly doesn't.
I never understand, how, with an "editor's" help,
8 out of 10 "writers" on this site still write simple sentences like this:
"Mary come here." my mother called.
Or, this:
"Mary come here." My mother called.
If people think simple punctuation rules are not necessary, I wonder why they don't write simple sentences like that as follows:
Marycomeheremymothercalled
THAT'S how they write in Lao and Thai (with completely different grammatical and punctuation rules)...
But this IS not Lao and Thai, is it? It doesn't bother me much that many "writers" churn out sentences like that, EVEN GOOD STORYTELLERS. Some of them, at least. But it bothers me that they CREDIT some "editor" or others, and I still see simple sentences like that, ALL OVER the story. EVERY SENTENCE!
I know it is a lot of work, and I understand that it is just a volunteer work for our editors... but, me Bhudda!
+++ "Mother John keeps pestering me again please make him stop." the little girl calls out to her mother. ++++
Even though you're just a VOLUNTEER editor and you have a few stories to oversee --- and some of them are pretty long --- do you just IGNORE sentences like that?
You created a deja vu.
He divorced his wife because she was having sex with staff member and the wife took him to the cleaners, get a better lawyer. Now he fucks a staff member who is married, did I get that right. He isnt married so in all his ethical and moral wisdom he assumes it is alright to fuck a staff member thereby committing adultry with her, which is what he divorced his wife for doing. How many ways can you spell hypocrite? The edge of your story dropped into the trashcan with that.
Relaxing
I enjoyed your maiden story . Looking forward to reading more of your work.
Thanks for sharing it.
Part 1 wasn't good...
Part 1 wasn't good...why? not because of her cheating!!!! But because a boss must never have any affair with any of his employees!!! Or he will be for ever in a bad situation and always in the hands of that employee!!!! Bosses that do that are stupid and their business never will get far....1*
So Terry
Is out of the story?... Or does he now through good lawyers own John's business?
Good trade, a Slut for a Career Retirement!
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