- All
Comments (2) - Add a
Comment - Send
Feedback Send private anonymous feedback to the author (click here to post a public comment instead).
| Literotica Toy Store ADULT TOY & DVD STORE FAST & DISCREET |
Literotica XXX Webcams 24/7 LIVE CAMS - FREE PREVIEW W/AUDIO! |
Literotica Adult Movies STREAMING ADULT MOVIES PAY PER MINUTE |
English
Hmmm...
I was kind of confused on how she could be in the shower and suddenly decide that she wanted to have sex with her two room mates.
There needed to be a bit more of a build-up there with a better description of history. Had she had those thoughts for awhile? What made the two guys get naked together?
Good story. The grammar and dialogue was decent. Just needed to be more filler. Just felt like a "wham... bam.. thank you ma'am" type story. It didn't give me enough time to get my imagination going...
I thank you for writing! I encourage you to keep trying to grab my attention!
Decent Start
I think this is a pretty good start, but I would have to agree with the other commenter that it was a bit short. Some more buildup and work on the back-story would have helped. The writing is pretty good and the sex is generally pretty good, it just felt short and forced to me. But, definitely keep it up - I'd like to read something more, especially something that you put a bit more into.
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! or
Back to Threesome Fun or
More submissions by wolfncare2008.