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A Residue Remains

byMagicaPractica©
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Comments (3)
by Anonymous

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by WickedEve01/22/08

~

It's a good poem and I do like it, but as I read it, I kept thinking that it has potential to be better. Please keep writing. :)

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by LeBroz01/22/08

~~

Very fine imagery you present here but I think you could have done better by some careful cutting in the first stanza so that the use of fewer words would better convey the feel of the short life of a match's flare. For example, you might try something like this:

Not with the passionate intensity
Of the match that flares
Then burns quickly
Scorching fingertips;
Being dropped
Skittering away
In a sudden gust

This helps to create a better contrast between the two stanzas — the edginess in the match's flare to the softer feel of a candle's glow. Just a thought.

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by KOLKORE01/23/08

the grim determination

Nothing like a strong image to convey one more shade of love. In this image I saw the grim determination of a lover. You could have made this poem more concise, but you are in the right direction

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