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English
Firs/third person problem
Find an editor...
Keep writing
I enjoy the story line. I agree you might need someone to edit the first person/ third person thing and I noticed a couple misspelled words but none of those took away from the story. There are other things about this and Wolf ch 1 I really liked. You set the stage for the story extremely well. I could almost picture the place where the story took place. I almost wondered if you were writing about a place you has lived or been to. Keep writing and I'll keep reading.
HUMMMMMM
I want to say>... That when you do write a good story, most people are so into it, that the missed spelled words are mostly over looked. To many picky people here.
About the story, its good, but I was so hoping for alittle more compassion from him. I guess I have mixed feelings about this chapter. :)
I do hope you continue. Thanks for sharing your talent! JC :)
Looking forward to chapter 3
I woke up early before work to see if you posted chapter 2 - thank you!
Keep It Coming!!!
You have talent.Noones perfect you I am sure will get better as you go along. Just keep writing this story, it has alot of potential.I can't wait to read more. SR
promising story
I really like this story, because it doesn`t have the sacchariny sweetness that so many stories suffer from.
Still I can only give it 3 stars, because the unfixed jumps between first and third person narrative (aside from the typos) do detract from the reading pleasure. But that`s nothing that can`t be fixed! The story shows a lot of talent, and I hope you keep writing it.
Hmmm, not so sure about this
Okay, as others have mentioned, you really, really, really, should edit before posting. You jump back and forth from first to third person, many times within the very same sentence. It is so easily fixed, by simply re-reading the story carefully and fixing those little mistakes.
At this point, Chapters 1 and 2 would have fit more appropriately in non-consent/reluctance. Certainly in Chapter 1, he raped her. The fact that your main character (and I can't even remember her name) doesn't seem to have any trauma over this, besides one sleepless night, is not realistic. He brutally rapes her, and bites her, drawing blood, and she goes willingly with him the next time he turns up? You are asking a lot from your readers, without writing some explanation of her actions.
The story line could be so much more, with just a little bit more attention to detail and providing some groundwork for why your characters behave as they do. At this point, the girl just seems a little bit on the dim side, or a glutton for punishment.
Interesting story but,
Please pick one person and stay there. The way your story switches from third to first person, even within the same paragraph, makes it difficult to read and is really distracting.
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