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English
We would
Love to meet you lot,we would show you what real terror is about.A modern day National White Socialist[no not a neo nazi]
Interesting twist to the vamp mythos...
An African American female vampire in the vein (no pun intended) of Anne Rice's world...I gotta say, there's some real potential there. Unfortunately, you need to edit some and work on your writing to get there. You have great nuggets and ideas in your head -- just hone your writing style. I'm not sure you're age, but I'm guessing you're young. If that's the case, just keep writing and reading other authors' works. Then keep defining your style.
Some parts of this story were engaging, the history of your protagonist's experience.
Again, edit your work -- especially since you're dealing with a 300-plus-year-old vampire, she ought to have a timeless voice as opposed to uttering very 21st century sayings. This particular passage made me laugh out loud:
"Elisabeth and Pacheco left me, telling me that although I granted them eternal life and awesome powers, I was not the boss of them."
Obviously this was unintentional, but I kinda giggled at the thought of a 200-something-year-old vampire whining, "You're not the boss of me!"
Keep working this. You'll find it.
Strange
There have been several stories on this site today alledgely by the same person,I like others do not believe this.This is an example,its got potential,I can think of nothing more erotic than mating with a black female vampire ,in fact I love sex with black women.They certainly love sex with a white man,now what do you make of that.We have race problems in England but nothing like USA.Maybe it comes from our ancestors,few families in this country do not have coloured relatives either by marriage or blood.
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