- All
Comments (76) More Comments (76 total): Page: 1 2
- Add a
Comment
| Literotica Toy Store ADULT TOY & DVD STORE FAST & DISCREET |
Literotica XXX Webcams 24/7 LIVE CAMS - FREE PREVIEW W/AUDIO! |
Literotica Adult Movies STREAMING ADULT MOVIES PAY PER MINUTE |
English
Fine Story
Everything perfectly balanced. The problem is that no matter which way you go there will be people handing out low marks and making derogatory comments. One thing that I find important is that she did not, apparently, consciously lie to Jack.
doesn t work sorry
The issue is WHY did she go back a 2nd time Voluntarily? To the idiot Bruce22 in S America... it is NOT the readers fault to expect a rational resolution of a KEY event/ conflict then wionder why the author Ignores the event/ conflict!!
In this case the author has CLEARLY laid out the BIG problem. The wife going to back a 2nd time to Scott for more great VOLUNTARY fucking has NOT been resolved. She was drugged the 1st time. NOT the 2nd time. Nor was she being blackmailed by Scoot per se.
Her fear that should could not tell Jack becasue if Jack found out she would lose him... so she just had to go back to Scott and Fuck him... of course makes no sense. Its utter bullshit. And again this author cant see that 1+ 1 = 2.
she wanted to go back and fuck Scott a 2nd time.
I am NOT saying an author has to change the story so I like it. What I am saying is that until the wife explains why she went back to a man she says she DETESTS a 2nd time for more fabulous sex... this story will be a total failure. Ignoriong this KEY action/ event just to bring them together is NOT resolving the issue.
I dont think I am being unreasonable here
Pretty ood story
This was an improvement over chapter 2 but when you take a month between chapters, it's hard to recall whay happened in preceding chapters. Are you going to continue this chapter a month procedure?
the Ct. Yankee
Typical
This "writer" has such a flat, unemotional style that any "story" he writes is awful.
Actually
To Harryin VA he did drug her the second time and this is where he found the evidence of the drug which leads me to my problem with the story. He knows she has been drugged and yet he stays with the Why Did You Do This crap? He knows the guy has booked and no police to find out what kind of a drug this is? The third installment kind of fell apart as the author tried to build the vengence line at the expense of the story in the first two chapters.
A good story butHarry is one sad commentator
HEY GANG, this is a FICTION posting place. Give the authors a break. Everything doesn't have to fit 100% to get to the heart of the story. Most adverse commentators have no idea how hard it is to write good fiction. They just complain. Well let the Harry's of the world and all the anonymous who hide just suck it up and go read somewhere else. Congrats to every author for his / her hard work. Realdoc
Blimey!
Certain people on this site should actually try and write a story before complaining about stories. as for me the story seems to be that KAY does not want to lose her HUSBAND so SCOTT says to her if she does not go back to him for sex then HE will tell JACK the husband. now I might be wrong but that sounds like blackmail to me and ok KAY was a fool to go back but that is how blackmailers work they find someone who perhaps isn't very strong and FORCES them to do somthing they would not do under normal circumstances so by definition that is blckmail and KAY has been honest and said that she did enjoy it. BUT how many times has a person been intoxicated with either drink or drugs(in this case both)done things they would not do if sober or not under the influence of somthing. As for the story and the people in it so far so good and I know there tends to be a kick the bitch out policy in many cheating stories but if your wife or girlfriend got totaly drunk and then slept with somebody JUST once and then told you about it would you really kick her out ME personally I would have the policy of if she really did not know what she was doing and if there was some justification for giong back a second time as in blackmail then in my opinion KAY does disearve the benifit of the doubt at least THIS time.So to the writer carry on with story just make sure SCOTT does not die quickly in fact let him live let KAY cut his balls off!.
what ever
others are saying about the story, the story is ok. the problem is, there are drugs that makes you completely helpless so you can't move but there is no drug that makes you just horny so you fuck everything close to you and the next day its gone. if that would exist pimps would not put so many girls on heavy drugs like heroine so they have to work for them for their drugs. Thats the dilemma of the author and of his main male caracter. he saw something in the face of his wife he never saw before and thats difficult to explain. I'm really looking forward for his explanation. Its fiction as we all know but invent a non-existing drug for an excuse ?
people if you cry wolf enough times harry
people will lose respect of you harry.read the whole story then comment.don't just jump all over the writers acting crazy.where is your story harry.so we can comment on your story.writer keep writing your story your way and fuck the people who sit on the side line and bitch.
Dear Harry
Sorry that I am such an idiot but Jack is on his way to proving that the meeting at Scott's house was under the influence of a drug (perhaps one that is not on the market). And he sees in the tape
"Surprised, I could see Kay didn't appear to be an enthusiastic participant. On the contrary, she was upset, tears streaming down her cheeks." That does not appear a little something strange.
Did you read the story??
With Scott's miracle drug all is reasonable except to you.
Bruce22 et al' I quote from the STORY
for the Bruce22 Real Doc and the Anonymous MO poster
I quote from the story
Kay, if that was true...why did you go back to him? Even if he had drugged you, how could you have returned to him a second time?"
she was NOT drugged a 2nd time!!
I cannot for the life of me figure out why you guys group me in with the anonymous posters. I DONT anomyously and I never have.
No one is saying theow the bitch to the curb. The mis portrayal by the three of you of ANY well reasoned comment that is not 100% positive really makes you guys look like assholes
I
Temuchen, I know what your trying for but.......
I'm going to go with Harry here and not with some of the other posters. This feels be a "Reconcilation at all cost" by the time your finished story. At this point I can honestly say, when you put them back together, I personally won't feel its because they deserve to be that way, but because that's how the ending of the story placed them there.
Bruce22, you commented "One thing that I find important is that she did not, apparently, consciously lie to Jack." but on the very first page of the original story, when Jack asked her what she was doing, she lied she said she almost dropped the phone and that's why she gasped out, and not because she was in the middle of sex with Scott. When he asked her to tell Scott something for him, she lied and said she had not seen Scott or Nicky since Nicky went to LA. How is that not consciously lying? In my book telling someone something that is not true to hide what your doing is lying. Specially if you know telling them the truth may get you in trouble.
But a couple of things bothered me was this story so far, I could get around the first time the wife cheating on the husband, because it wasn't cheating, the story was written so that it was really rape by any standard used. It was something that she wouldn't normally do on her own. But where it breaks down for me is the second time, where she's blackmailed, and she goes to Jack's home. Going to his home, under her own power, isn't rape. Maybe blackmail, but not rape. And she knew what Jack wanted when she gots there. Blackmail doesn't reduce your blame to "0" for cheating. All she had to do was tell her husband and "Wham" reason to cheat gone. But she willingly went in to the home.
Second, when Scott called her, she was able to start lying and thinking pretty quick on her feet. That is from the first page of story one. That makes no sense for someone too drugged out to know right from wrong. And Scott's character comments here in part 3 that she seemed pretty lost in the moment of sex. Again, not the effect of someone too drugged out. And when her phone rang, she knew enough to try and quite Jack down so she could answer the phone and keep her husband Scott fro knowing what she had been doing, again not the actions....... And when Scott tried to trap her she had answers for all his traps. To me, even if she wasn't an enthusiastic participant, as far as any court in the land would view it she was a willing one by going there on her own. I don't want to go to work, but the fact I walk through the doors each morning makes me a willing participant. And she met him, under her own power, to prevent her husband from find out what she did the first time, she deceived her husband the second time by her own admissions in part two, and she could have stopped it at any time before the second visit to Jack, but choose to lie and hope for the best. I don't see any redeeming value in any of this for this character so far.
But what is going on now is one of my favorite pet peeves in Lit stories. What I call "Operation beat up the lover". I hate that because, while I viciously agree that men aren't supposed to hit women, some folks find it perfectly acceptable for the husband to beat up the other man and place all the blame on him for what ever involvement his wife may have had with the other man. If the husband is going to forgive the wife and work it out, then he should do the same to the other man. If he finds that he can't then he should give the wife the same treatment he give's her lover, I mean after all fair is fair. But if he finds he he can't forgive, then the should just walk away totally.
But for the love of God, getting even with Jack while trying to rebuild a marriage, while placing almost all of the blame on Jack for the affair doesn't make a happen ending to me. And saying "Well she sees how hard it hit me" doesn't make it a happy ending either. It makes it seem like favortism with loppsided reasoning to me. She's having unprotected sex with Jack, and long as she knows I won't stand for that we can work it out?
Temuchen, your a good writer, but I have to go with Harry, I just don't believe it so far. The wife's character isn't consistant. And it has all the makings of "Nothing I did/do was my fault, and if you really love me you'll hurt/beat up the other man for daring to touch your woman" story. This isn't a slam at you because I see it all the time, but I've always seen that as me saying that "my woman" is an object and not person. This is how I would react to someone wrecking my car, not having an affair with my wife. But that's just me I guess.
-Risq
Uninteresting characters
The character are unispiring. She was being blackmailed and her husband is a clueless boob who will emotionally rape his wife so he can feel some amount of superiority. The idea of having a conversation of this magnitude in a restauant is ludicrous. No woman would choose this because she wouldn't be able to eat and the husband would likely get drunk. If he wants to flog a horse, let him beat his meat for awhile.
Full agreement with Risq_001
Risq_001's comments hit the nail on the head for me. This is becoming extremely formulaic, to the point where I can just about write the rest of the story from this point. It has been done before.
The holes in the plot are obvious. "He drugged me" is the lamest plot device in the history of cheating wives stories. Fact is that virtually all "date rape" drugs leave the victim so doped up that they can barely remember what actually happened - and "great sex" is right out. The only exception is alcohol, but that doesn't come in a powder form. If she was drugged and then enjoyed the sex then that means that her inhibitions were lowered to the point where she could bring herself to do something she actually wanted to do anyway.
Then there is the blackmail angle. Anybody with half a brain would go straight to the police after an event like that. Drugging somebody against their will is a serious crime, and attempted blackmail just compounds it. Good Wife here should have shopped Scott the instant he tried to apply pressure, confessing to her husband later.
I'm going to continue following this story, mostly because I want to see if the author can extricate this plot from the massive problems it has created for itself. Somehow I doubt that it will.
Sometimes folks want to attack critiquers instead
of the story. Be clear here, she was drugged when she had sex in her own bed with him but she enjoyed the sex. She chose to go to the guys house while she was not drugged the second time. She was drugged after she got there, but she went intending to have sex. Intent is the question, she intended to commit adultry again, blackmail or otherwise, she intended to do it rather than tell her husband and file charges on her rapist, drug use makes it rape. Dont forget when her husband sees her having sex with him after coming home early, he sees her enjoying the sex and coming on the cock and lies to him on the phone about where she is and what she is doing. That wasnt a drugged out of your mind action, that was intent, deceit, and betrayal. The question that really needs to be answered is why she was so eaaily seduced by someone she doesnt care for so she said. There are two things that need to be remembered. "She protest to much" and "actions speak louder than words". By protesting how she doesnt like the man may be a clue as to her sexual attraction and acting as a slut for him speaks volumes of her real thoughts and feelings. Trash is trash, always throw out the trash. If she wasnt trash at first or when she fucked him, she became trash when she decided to betray her husband again and by not reporting her rapist to her husband and to the police. Reconciliation is good for things that dont harm the other person. But in the case of physical, mental, and medical harm reconciliation sometimes is just asking for violent response later. Sorta like the peace at all cost people that helped make WWI and WWII more violent in the end.
Did you SWALLOW? Tell me now!
"Kay, this is very important. I need you to tell me exactly what transpired. Why was Scott there? How long has this gone on? How many times have you fucked him?" Like bubbling lava, my anger started rising to the surface and threatened to explode. "Did you swallow? Did you let him fuck you in the ass? "
Tell me, did you SWALLOW? Did you? Just tell me! Did you swallow? How good was it, damn it! Did you swallow him, his fluid, something you never did me? I gotta know, pleases, please, before I start yelling again! Did you swallow when you gave him a blow job? Did you swallow?
But don't worry, I KNOW it was your fault! Just tell me whether or not you swallow and HOW GOOD it tasted! Just be honest! LOLLLLLLLLLLL
Can't Rape the Willing!
So Scott has pictures of his rape, Good! Go to the police & your husband. If Kay gives him a repeat performance, I suspect her credibility. But Hey! This just another wimp, and another wimp story so wtf!
Good Read
Good read. I am looking forward to the next chapter. Your writing keeps improving.
Magic powder drug
I read others comments and I agreed that the plot is very weak, you know why she didn’t go to the police? She had the evidence in her body, this magic drug like the author said designed to turn the worst ice queen in to a raving sex machine don’t have the property to not let trace in her body and I don’t think so that the wife was too dumb. And she said he was abusive in his rape I think he let marks in her body. She had all the evidences with her , there are too many contradictions like when she said in the second time that he would drug her again and she was ok because then she wouldn’t remember too much, and then when she told the husband what happened the first time she remember all that Scott did to her and in the end the worst SHE LIKED IT , the rape or the things she never did with her husband and with the person she most hated she enjoyed. I know why the author wrote the wife like her rape because in the famous photos she appeared that she was having a good time and not showned that she was force to have sex and with those photos Scott blackmailed her. What she expected to happen when she didn’t trust in her husband and the police when she went the second time she knew that this going to happen every time the Scott wanted .I think she like Scott because of that she invent that she hated him because of that she didn’t went to the police and told what happened to her husband maybe because of that she liked the things did to her and turn the switch o her sexual desires so easily and then she lied to her husband when she said she was a good lover, Why? because he didn’t switch her lust in seventeen years of marriage, poor guy. I was at chance of reconciliation until she said she liked it, and went the second time to Scott .She went because wanted to save her marriage or because she liked it the sex with him, what happen if the husband not discovered what's going on she would become him sex slave like he said.
Well dude you tried
...I see you haven't written your next chapter on this, I can see why...everybody's a critic. Maybe if you'd put this in Non-consent/Reluctance versus Loving Wife, then your date rape angle would have been better received albeit thinly. The type of people who mostly like the Loving Wives category, don't want the possibility of the wife NOT being responsible for her actions in any way, shape or form. The mysoginistic attitudes need for the wife to be morally corrupt and without redemption. If the man forgives he's a wimp or a cuckold but if it's the husband cheating his story ends up under Erotic Coupling and commented as "hot"? Funny that.
Your last critic there is a apologistic suck up.
Blame the readers instead of the writer it says. There is no drug that makes someone do sex. It can remove inhibitions or make a person less concious but turn them into nymphos without will just isnt there folks. Sorry but people have to accept responsibility for their actions. You get drunk because you drink. You get fucked because usually you put yourself into a scene that allows that to happen, alcohol or not, drugs or not. The only place you dont have a choice is criminally kidnapped and forced which can happen anywhere including in your home. The woman clearly stated by her actions of going back to her lover that she enjoyed it and wanted more. Who knows the reason she went back may be addiction to the drug. Now explain to me in easy to understand words how a person who lives a normal life can be addicted to a drug in only one dose and without being in the lifestyle chose to take another dose? Sorry folks the scene dont wash.
WHEN
are you going to send him after Scott? This reader is perfectly happy with Jack having a loving reunion with Kay - there are still women out there walking around in such aa naive and innocent state that Scott's seduction through using drugs could have been successful, so why not get on with a story that makes good sense, and let us read the revenge and reconciliation. You write good stories; finish this one and start another one for us.
Story is not consistent
I served on a grand jury and learned a lot about date rape drugs. During that 18 month period I did not learn of one with the effects you mentioned, it sounds like the fabled "Spanish Fly" when I was a kid in the 60's.
That said, you treat a rape victim differently than a cheater. When he found the evidence, why didn't he call the cops? Also, he's afraid to get physical at first, but suddenly at the start of this story he's breaking down doors. The delay would cost him plenty at court.
Also, he finds drugs, then treats his wife like dirt when they meet. You really need to get a little more internal consistancy here. However, it is easy to critique, so my hat's off to you for all your work.
Bad scripting
Even if she was raped the first time she still voluntarily went to him. Not the actions of a rape victim. She did not go to the police, again not the actions of a rape victim. She willingly had sex with him again, not the actions of a rape victim. Sorry the story though is unbelievable. The husband a fifth degree black belt goes and drowns his sorrows? Please! The discipline necessary to attain that level would preclude that outcome. He has the presence of mind to video tape the adultery but then runs away? Garbage. He has the physical ability to deal with the situation and so the Flight/Fight response could only be Fight. And yet no immediate confrontation? Bad story. Given the situation you have described I would have confronted the two of them. Allowed Scott to initiate violence and then defended myself to his determent. Yet or hero runs. Foolish fantasy to continue a story.
Unfinished but an interesting read
I withheld commentary when the story first posted, figuring that the author would conclude the tale. He hasn't so I'll speak my piece now.
Kudos to the author for attempting a complex story construction, for that you get an A for effort. However, the list of logical inconsistencies is long. He suspects his wife was drugged but doesn't follow through on his suspicions? Jack gets so bent of shape about her supposed adultery that he conveniently forgets her being drugged and raped. It's illogical and inconsistent.
Second, he's a smart guy, capable enough to start and run his own business yet we find out that he's business partners with a rapist who's a loose cannon where women are concerned yet Jack has no clue? Given Jack's history from college, his internal radar would've picked up on Scott's philandering yet he blunders along blithely unaware of Scott's liasons. This oopsie really damaged the storytelling b/c the author went to some trouble to tell us about Scott and Kay in college.
In addition to the plot holes, there are a couple of technical issues. The melodrama in some places is just too much. When Jack goes off on the tangent of asking his wife whether she swallowed or not, I struggled not to snicker. The question is juvenile, sophomoric and serves no purpose in the storytelling. Moreover, one has to ask, are there no police in the town where they live? As far as I know, rape, assault and illegal drug use are still felonies. Since Jack knows everything that Scott did to Kay, why doesn't he involve the authorities in investigating these crimes and apprehending the perpetrator? I expected this and it didn't happen which made me wonder why.
The lack of resolution hurts the overall effort. I thank you for all your hard work on the story and hope you will finish it some day.
Conclusion Needed!
Good read but it needs a conclusion with Jack "taking care of" Scott and determining/resolving his future with Kay to be a very good read. Please finish the story!
when is the conclusion coming?
The question of whether or not she swallowed may be juvenile, but its a real question especially if she never did if for him. also, wtf man, why cant you finish any of your stories? i mean, obviously this is just a side job for you but at least say something came up and youve been busy. its an interesting story and despite the drugs, wifey still hates scott and everything he made her do, so why (even with the threat of blackmail hanging over her head) would she not tell her husband? hell, even the accusation of date rape drugs can cause a stir and im sure his soon to be ex-wife would testify how he cheated multiple times. anyway, i know for a fact that the husband would have an easier time if she came to him immediately about everything?i mean, how long was she planning on sleeping with scott?
Why dont you finish anything you start?
The wife in this story is wrapping a braindead story around her husbands love for her. No you dont love a slut you get rid of them. This wife claims she hated the guy but willingly allowed herself to be seduced, do we really know a drug that does what is described in this story? She went back because she liked it, she admitted that. What more does the husband need to know? What he should do is find the husbands of all the woman Scott had fucked and send them the pictures of their wives being used. Someone would take care of Scott, probably a woman. Women are much more cruel and vindictive than men. Once one of them is sued for adultry in a divorce and loses her paycheck she will take care of Scott. Crying doesnt prove anything. Tears can be turned on and turned off. Saying you love someone doesnt prove a thing, anyone can lie. Ones actions tell you whether someone loves you or not, guess what this wife loves only herself. If she was raped she would have talked to the police. If she knew she was drugged she would have talked to the police. One doesnt go to the doctor and get checked before going to the police if one has been raped. She didnt report the guy because she enjoyed the sex with him and wanted it to continue. STD and HIV testing is critical in this story, the guy was fucking to many people not to be infected..........
good story but needs to be finished
Temuchen does a excellent job of developing the characters of the wife and husband. Equally, of their daughters, Ellie and Kate; and of course of the wrong doer,Scott. This story is believable and the text, plot, etc are in all respects clearly written and understandable. But one thing: Temuchen, you need to finish your story. It's been about 6 months since you wrote chapter 3. It is high time you put a terminus to it. RAG
.....??????????THE ENDING????????
.....Great story.....what happens next....
Okay but....
I am always bothered by the drugs that make a woman completely wanton. I realize that you need something to make the unwilling wife want sex rather than make it a violent rape... I mean, if not rape than why does she go along with the act? The next phase of so many of these stories is the blackmail factor... Every one carries a video camera and sets it up each time they rape or seduce someone I guess! I do realize that these are props for these types of stories but they seem unrealistic. We all realize that these stories are fiction of course, but to most of us they do have to be somewhat realistic to be enjoyable. That the husband catches on to what happened is good and needed. But knowing that she did not like scott and knowing what actually happened...believing it was the obvious cause... Why is he still doubting her fidelity to him and wanting counseling to that effect??? Once again, not too plausible! I guess the story needed finishing. Still a good story as far as it went,
How about Scott ?
The ending is long overdue.
GREAT STORY
but i wish you would finish it. ignore previous postings regarding fantasies of date rape drugs, they don't work whatever, obviously this one does, it worked on the coeds also. other issues i expect would be addressed in followup chapters, ie police/revenge etc. i'd like to see a chapter where she finds the drugs really opened her up and turned her into complete sex toy for whenever hubby wanted it. as they give nikki the tape for her divorce of scott they can become closer to her and invite her to share the bed, ending in permenant mutually committed exclusive 3way. whatever you do, still hoping for this story to be finished.
enough said
Like all of the rest,I too would like a finish to the story.Thanks
oh!
OH! you sonofabitch! that's it? cocksucker! .........
Probably better...
...this story remains unfinished, as it has already pretty much bottomed out.
Good story . . . but I guess you've stopped writing . . .
too bad. Hope you will write again, finsih this story and submit others. Thank you.
Tired of boozer male leading characters.
The husband was too weak to confront wife without being blasted first. What a stupid devise for the author. Makes me think he write drunk.
Not redeemable.
Oops. Correction.
Makes me think author wrote drunk. Seems the male character was the author's alter ego.
DWnorcal is so stupid
he saw a sign that said "Wet Floor" so he did
DWnorcal is so stupid
he saw a sign that said "Wet Floor" so he did
Blackmail it Was
The story tells that she was shown pictures and that if she did not come back for round 2 they would go to her husband. I don't know how anyone could read what I read and believe she went back for round 2 willingly.
There was a major inconsistency in chapter 3 that I found disturbing. It completely altered the story. When Jack is interrogating Kay, he accuses her of unbridled desire when she was riding Scott. However, in chapter 1 when he was filming the action I quote "As I filmed, I noticed she didn't look like she was enjoying herself, in fact she appeared distressed." Regardless, I can accept that she might act in ways she normally would not act due to the drugs. And Scott did drug her the second time as well according to the story.
As far as such drugs actually existing, this is a fantasy point that I can accept. I am not positive that they don't exist, but even if they don't, it is a common enough plot vehicle in story telling to be acceptable.
I suppose we will never see a chapter 4. However, being an old softy who likes happy endings, my ending has Jack leaving Scott a poor, jobless, divorced man with a very bleak future, possibly even prison for drugs and blackmail. He forgives Kay, telling her that the fault was Scott's, and they live happily ever after.
Just to be clear for the kick to the curb crowd, a wimpy husband acting as a willing cuckold is NOT a happy ending to me, but this is nothing like that.
Good Story, but...
He was right to wonder why she went back. If she new that she was raped the first time, why no visit to the police with charges filed? Why would she so willingly go back to have more sex?
Clearly, there's much more to her motivation here than just blackmail.
Unbelievable!
I don't like to come down too hard on a writer's efforts. It's somewhat akin to telling a man his kid is ugly. Therefore I hope the following critique is taken in the spirit in which it is intended.
Let me begin by saying that I hate blackmail stories in general. No one with any grey matter in their brain housing unit gives in to blackmail. It's well known that once you're in the grip of one of these vile creatures it never ends. In this particular instance it's particularly idiotic. First of all, why would this woman even let this man into her home while her husband isn't home? Kay then, on top of her first mistake, fixes the bastard a meal. Any normal woman would certainly know that her neighbors would likely notice her entertaining this man while her husband is away. If he was in the house only long enough to retrieve the papers he was allegedly after that would be one thing. If he were there for an extended length of time it would look suspicious, especially given this man's reputation. She then makes the rather fantastic choice to give him easy opportunity to slip something into her drink. After the incident, she then makes another fantastic decision. Instead of going to the authorities and reporting the rape which would have been easily supported by a simple blood test, she then allows it to happen yet again!
I fully realize that allowances have to be made for the exigiencies of fiction. Yet this story has too many elements that strain the credulity of the reader. To say that the wife is a simple bitch is the understatement of the year. Were I to be the husband in this story, I would divorce her immediately, but not for adultery. I would do it because I could not live with such an idiot. I might also add that I'm quite fed up with the plot device of the mysterious "sex drug" which causes the one who uses it to lose all inhibition. Such a chemical does not exist, nor has it ever. Even ecstasy, which will make its user more willing to have sex and enjoy it more, does not cause one to lose all grasp of reality.
Even a story that is superbly written cannot overcome an unbelieveable plot. This tale left me more frustrated than entertained. Adding to all the above reasons for my dislike of the story, it is not even finished, leaving the reader in the air. Surely you can do better!
Did NOT like the writing style in this chapter at all.
I believe in this situation a reconcilliation was possible, BUT not in the badly scripted soap opera way you wrote it. What you described on part of the hubby was not hurt, it was playing hard to get and that is completely inappropriate at this time in the story.
THE DEATH DOGS ARE ON THE HUNT
sniffing all trails and traces of scent. TK U MLJ LV NV
sorry baby
you fucked up big time - so move on down the road alone.
Bad storyline
...and a plot sheer unbelievable. The worst, however, is that the story ends without actually solving any of the narrated problems. I would at least have expected som justice; it seems, you havn´t thought this thing through. Sorry.
sheer waste of time.
Its very convenient to bring the "rape" angle in so you can go for a reconciliation later. The story was not well written it was not completed and had many other flaws. Sheer waste of time.
Damn
It was going well until the ending.
WHAT ENDING?
Yeah that's what I thought.
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! or
Back to Trouble in Paradise Ch. 03 or
More submissions by Temuchen.