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Get on with it
I can't believe that I've spent all the time reading the first 5 chapters. These are supposed to be erotic stories and you are taking forever to get to any sex. You've done a good job setting up the story. Now let's see something hot and nasty.
Very good!
Just read up to now, great, the humour which I love!
Thanks Egmont,
John
needs some work
The characters are interesting, but there is not much erotica here. The new lady characters are not even described in an erotic way. Also,the writing is a bit sloppy and needs editing.
Rolling along
But maybe an editor or Proof reader? Misspellings or other grammatical errors distract readers from the story line. And when Gary King becomes Guy King it's just plain annoying.
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