A nice start it is, with depth, intrigue, foreshadowing, mystery and perhaps some mind control, dom/sub, etc. With only the hint of eroticism yet, you owe us some more, so we look forward to many hot chapters! Also, your writing is engaging and technically proficient; you are a fine writer/proofreader and/or you have a great editor, so reading is quite easy for us lurkers. I would suggest only one change/fix: at "Tatiana Carvella Linda thought it a very interesting name," insert a dash or some separator before 'Linda' to ease the read. And please keep writing. I think we straights can enjoy this one, too!
by
Anonymous02/20/08
on the edge
What a great start! Lots of suspense, the "victims" both unknowingly being roped in, and the dom beginning to take total control The device of the mother following into the kitchen with the cake in her hands set the stage for servitude, dominance, and control....a very nice touch....I agree with an early comment...you owe your readers more...good writing and good talent...tatiana can control immensley...so let here...please keep up your excellent work..
by
Anonymous12/30/08
A SEXAUL WOMEM WANTING
GOOD START TO WHAT SEEM LIKE A SUBDUCTION FOR BOTH MOM AND
DAUGHTER.
by
Anonymous02/04/16
great story and original characters! Please do continue to write more stories such as this. You have real talent.
English
Enticing start
A nice start it is, with depth, intrigue, foreshadowing, mystery and perhaps some mind control, dom/sub, etc. With only the hint of eroticism yet, you owe us some more, so we look forward to many hot chapters! Also, your writing is engaging and technically proficient; you are a fine writer/proofreader and/or you have a great editor, so reading is quite easy for us lurkers. I would suggest only one change/fix: at "Tatiana Carvella Linda thought it a very interesting name," insert a dash or some separator before 'Linda' to ease the read. And please keep writing. I think we straights can enjoy this one, too!
on the edge
What a great start! Lots of suspense, the "victims" both unknowingly being roped in, and the dom beginning to take total control The device of the mother following into the kitchen with the cake in her hands set the stage for servitude, dominance, and control....a very nice touch....I agree with an early comment...you owe your readers more...good writing and good talent...tatiana can control immensley...so let here...please keep up your excellent work..
A SEXAUL WOMEM WANTING
GOOD START TO WHAT SEEM LIKE A SUBDUCTION FOR BOTH MOM AND
DAUGHTER.
great story and original characters! Please do continue to write more stories such as this. You have real talent.
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