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And you forgot 2 Starbucks btween every restaurant
That's exactly what I hate about a city and moved far, far away. Good one nj. I couldn't think of anything to improve on.
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Hi, NJ. Your poem has been mentioned on the new poems review thread.
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I love London for those things but I love the countryside too and live close to both, lovely well written poem that really took me to where you were standing
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Wonderful. So much frenetic activity and nothing really happening.
amen
About midnight last night I stepped outside. The nights are still chilly but you know spring is out there, coming closer. No traffic. None. Small town, you know. Quiet enough to hear the click on the street, looked to see three deer on a casual midnight stroll. I don't think I could ever live in a large city again. Maybe an occasional visit...
Great writing!
You know I love cities, sis, but I agree with LeBroz that you made this work by conveying all that stuff and so empty. The image of a person alone in all that anonymous sterility (and the suggestion of the richness of the countryside) is really good. :-)
^
I agree with Under Your Spell, I like both the city and the country,but you did a great job of pointing out the city's shortcomings
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your concept of rhyme is a very moderist concept. I', really just weighing in with a score
i see your point ...
but i like the big city life as i'm not around them much. but i still love your poem!
Is YOUR city green worthy?
If you are talking down town of a business section - sterile and out of green, couldn't agree with you more. Which brings the ontological question - could there be an autumn with no leafs? No matter what science says I say no. Hence my agreement with you. Now, other cities or other parts of that same city could be a different story altogether. But what a wonderful topic to discuss on a poetry feedback section? Thanks.
Makes me wonder
I happen to live in a large city (2 mi people) in which there is a tree for each habitant; it's sometimes called the city of green tunnels. I shouldn't have been able to relate to your poem, due to the emphasis put on the lack of leaves to bring Autumn, yet I did. I like the determinism with the slanted "inevitably" — it sometimes feels that way, doesn't it? (I'll never be happy here. This place isn't for me.) The reasons for being done with a place may change from person to person, but I think some people will recognize the feeling.
Works for me, though I would go with 'absence' rather than 'disappearance' ( less cumbersome and better reinforces the current state ). Also, take a pause for the cause and start a new paragraph with green.
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