All Comments on 'Admission'

that give it a rich, textured feel. I think it needs some shaping and to lose some of the "telling" language to keep the focus on those sensual images. You might consider breaking it into strophes (non-rhyming stanzas) to slow down the pace of the read. What you want is a sort of langorous pace with some pauses to match the sensual nature of the poem, but now the signal to the reader is to race through the poem. I believe that breaking it up and slowing it down will make for a stronger poem. Just my 2 cents. Thank you for the read. :-)