All Comments on 'Monica and Alex Ch. 01'

This may eventually turn into something, but you need lots of work with basic writing skills. It's haphazard and hard to follow; the punctuation does nothing to help.

Also, it's waaay too short. It's not enough even to be a proper tease.

I'd look into an editor, and maybe spend more time on the actual writing process.

you do need an editor. Find a good one and keep writing. :)

This author needs a new brain as current is disfunctional. All the sentences that end with "..." , ( " ), or nothing at all shows clearly some 1st grader must have written it.

And wat an arsehole who wrote the comment directly below me, as always, too gutless to actually leave a user name, thats because it doesn't hv it's own original idea to pen a story to begin with so goes out and tries to destroy other peoples natural ability for writing so ignore the negative bullshit from the fool. I liked it despite the grammar mistakes and i agree with the other comment about finding u an editor to refine ur story, because u and the story deserve it, and please don't take long for an update.

This is my first attempt....actually I wrote this awhile ago and I tried to fix it but I guess I need some more work. I will definitely look into getting an editor.

I'm not sure why some people on this site just can't give constructive criticism. Why do they feel the need to bring down the writers who are brave enough to put there stories out there?!

Unfortunately, sweets, you need to get an editor pretty sharpish. There's a story here, but there are so many mistakes it makes it easy for the pathetics to zone in on them and not the tale you're trying to tell.

Head up though, girlie! Keep writing, as it's always great to see a new writer evolving.

who cant give constructive criticism and go out of their way to be just rude and obnoxious to you. People like that only 'talk' that way to others because it makes them feel a bit more superior in life when all they are in actuality are total and complete SCHMUCKS. I like this story a lot and it has a lot of potential. Keep it going. The only thing I would say is that maybe the chapters should be a bit longer? Feels like its just starting when its over already, lol......but that just shows me that you've grabbed me with this story and your writing and I want more ;-) Will def be looking out for the next chapter. Looking forward to it.

Don't be discouraged! Especially by anyone without the guts to identify him/herself while leaving harebrained, useless comments. You've definitely got the makings of a story, a good editor will help you mold it into something great. Keep writing. I look forward to the next (and definitely longer) chapter.

Ignore the idiots - it's a great beginning and you'll do better as you write more - and an editor will certainly help -- it will make it more enjoyable for you too!! Have fun with the story - we are waiting!! :-)

I liked it, and it made me laugh. First time is always rough, but please continue. I do love a good interracial story!

Good start to the story. Looking forward to reading more. I was glad to read that it didn't start out with him banging a freshman and then dumping her. Thanks

This story Idea could be good but when you post stories that seem virtually unedited with only an embryonic plot development you will piss off readers who rightfully expect finished stories to be posted here, not partial plot outlines. There is a writers workshop for that. Obviously this writer is at least trying a new script, but needs to work it more. By the way, the haters are much more entertaining than most readers and way too many authors. So shove it, "Shmuck"!!!

about the idea of this story so it was pretty disappointing how it panned out. Like you lost faith in any ability you'd started off with. I'd say try again as there is something good wanting to happen. Do you mind if i use this forum to say hi to Pete. he left a comment mentioning me the other day and I have no other place to respond. Love your comments. But i'm no Tory! If I still resided on my isle of Briton I would have voted Labour. Unfortunately the leader didn't muster it on the media hyped political X-factor. That's because he's a real politician and not some plastic wannabe. If we're talking apolitically I'd think of myself more John Browne than Gordon Brown though. You know where I'm coming from...Mancelt.

You thought you fixed it? Wow...you need a lot of work. Try Grammar 101 then start wrting again.

sheesh u ppl are brutal lol ...working on the next chapter, will be better and longer i promise. thnx for taking the time out to comment and read my story anyway = ).

I like your story it was kind of short but that's okay since it's like your first one

but I think you should keep going and maybe make your storys longer can't wait to read

I thought it was good.It has a great promise of being a really good story. Honestly i dont undertand why people complain about grammer and everything else...We are reading this for free lol

cool so far, let's see how this goes shall we???

This is going to be hot isn't it?