This is by far the finest and most complete listing of the offeings of a college sports program that you have ever done. It runs the gamut from crab soccer to tetherball. Outstanding! And the ass action??? Amazing. No shit! Keep it up so I can too!
by
Anonymous03/16/08
I don't like elaving reviews...however
I don't like elaving reviews...especially blunt ones, and especially on stories that are not exactly my thing i.e. bisexual stuff. However, as a fellow writer, I understand how important it is to get feedback. I mean we can't learn from our mistakes if no one is willing to tell us exactly what those mistakes are. That being said, I will deliver you this impartial review.
The story had a lot of potential, but it needs work. The use of the word big became redundant after a bit. You should probably look up one of those erotic terms web site to broaden your erotic vocabulary. Also, there was no need to name all the athletic departments for which this school was/is known for. You'd already specified it was known for its athletics. Adding the list only served to detatch the reader from the actual events of importance, the sex! Beware! Info dumps can lose you readers. Also, the use of the guys whole name made them seem less like friends and more like strangers. Mentioning the last name once was good enough. Like I said, the sotry has potential,it just need to be tweaked.
English
Best ever!
This is by far the finest and most complete listing of the offeings of a college sports program that you have ever done. It runs the gamut from crab soccer to tetherball. Outstanding! And the ass action??? Amazing. No shit! Keep it up so I can too!
I don't like elaving reviews...however
I don't like elaving reviews...especially blunt ones, and especially on stories that are not exactly my thing i.e. bisexual stuff. However, as a fellow writer, I understand how important it is to get feedback. I mean we can't learn from our mistakes if no one is willing to tell us exactly what those mistakes are. That being said, I will deliver you this impartial review.
The story had a lot of potential, but it needs work. The use of the word big became redundant after a bit. You should probably look up one of those erotic terms web site to broaden your erotic vocabulary. Also, there was no need to name all the athletic departments for which this school was/is known for. You'd already specified it was known for its athletics. Adding the list only served to detatch the reader from the actual events of importance, the sex! Beware! Info dumps can lose you readers. Also, the use of the guys whole name made them seem less like friends and more like strangers. Mentioning the last name once was good enough. Like I said, the sotry has potential,it just need to be tweaked.
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