I look forward to reading more of this pair's adventures... Oh, to have a sister like that sexy little kitty cat!
by
Anonymous03/19/08
Good, but could do with being drawn out more.
It's basically a good story line, but everything happens a bit too quickly, which makes it seem rather unrealistic. But don't stop writing.
by
Anonymous03/20/08
bad grammer
I liked the story even if completley unbelieveable The grammer was absolutely horrible as was the spelling If you are bothering to write a story at least get that much right
by
Anonymous03/20/08
Hmmmm
You are in SERIOUS need of editing and proofreading. There were so many spelling errors it was distracting. First and foremost, the car is a CADILLAC, not a Cadillca. You misspelled it every time.
by
Anonymous03/20/08
Oh my!
I agree with what everyone else is saying about an editor, or at least proofreading your story. Still, I fucking loved it anyway...
O.K...So she's not the best writer ever to have graced the Literotica site, but at least she's got the guts give it a try, unlike most of you gutless critics.
Don't give up Princess. Yes, you need to work on your grammar, and yes, you need to make your storyline more believable, but it's clear that you are getting there. So take the well meaning advice, ignore the crap from the gutless few, and hang on in there.
by
Anonymous04/23/08
spelling
learn to spell and write also if she was only 5'1 and 159lbs she would be a hippo not a sexy beautiful girl keep your facts straight
EVERYBODY SEEMS TO BE A FUCKING, I KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT WRITTING. IF YOU PEOPLE KNOW SO FUCKING MUCH, WRITE SOMETHING AND E-MAIL ME!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M NOT, BUT IF YOU HAVE THE GUTS, GO FOR IT. NOW TO THE STORY, LOVED IT, THANK YOU FOR SOME VERY GOOD READING.
EVERYBODY SEEMS TO BE A FUCKING, I KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT WRITTING. IF YOU PEOPLE KNOW SO FUCKING MUCH, WRITE SOMETHING AND E-MAIL ME!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M NOT, BUT IF YOU HAVE THE GUTS, GO FOR IT. NOW TO THE STORY, LOVED IT, THANK YOU FOR SOME VERY GOOD READING.
English
Beautiful
I look forward to reading more of this pair's adventures... Oh, to have a sister like that sexy little kitty cat!
Good, but could do with being drawn out more.
It's basically a good story line, but everything happens a bit too quickly, which makes it seem rather unrealistic. But don't stop writing.
bad grammer
I liked the story even if completley unbelieveable The grammer was absolutely horrible as was the spelling If you are bothering to write a story at least get that much right
Hmmmm
You are in SERIOUS need of editing and proofreading. There were so many spelling errors it was distracting. First and foremost, the car is a CADILLAC, not a Cadillca. You misspelled it every time.
Oh my!
I agree with what everyone else is saying about an editor, or at least proofreading your story. Still, I fucking loved it anyway...
Getting better
O.K...So she's not the best writer ever to have graced the Literotica site, but at least she's got the guts give it a try, unlike most of you gutless critics.
Don't give up Princess. Yes, you need to work on your grammar, and yes, you need to make your storyline more believable, but it's clear that you are getting there. So take the well meaning advice, ignore the crap from the gutless few, and hang on in there.
spelling
learn to spell and write also if she was only 5'1 and 159lbs she would be a hippo not a sexy beautiful girl keep your facts straight
REALLY AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
EVERYBODY SEEMS TO BE A FUCKING, I KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT WRITTING. IF YOU PEOPLE KNOW SO FUCKING MUCH, WRITE SOMETHING AND E-MAIL ME!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M NOT, BUT IF YOU HAVE THE GUTS, GO FOR IT. NOW TO THE STORY, LOVED IT, THANK YOU FOR SOME VERY GOOD READING.
THANKS,
JERRY
REALLY AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
EVERYBODY SEEMS TO BE A FUCKING, I KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT WRITTING. IF YOU PEOPLE KNOW SO FUCKING MUCH, WRITE SOMETHING AND E-MAIL ME!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M NOT, BUT IF YOU HAVE THE GUTS, GO FOR IT. NOW TO THE STORY, LOVED IT, THANK YOU FOR SOME VERY GOOD READING.
THANKS,
JERRY
O SOOO SEXY
YOUR STORE IS SO HOT . I WISH THERE WER A NOTHER PART TO THIS ONE. AND IF NOT ( I ) STILL LOVE IT .
grammer , get some
the story was pretty good, however the grammer was atrocious, very distracting. Plz try again.
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! or
Back to She Finally Falls For Brother or
More submissions by PrincessOfSex.