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English
Great start! Hurry with more!
Your off to a wonderful start, please hurry with more!
Just a thought.....
Have someone else proofread and edit, you are doing very well but we all tend to write like we talk and it doesn't read as well that way. Keep on writing....I anxiously await your next chapter.
Interest
Interesting start. You have set the scene for follow up chapters and should be keeping the readers interest
Dude, at least proofread...
So many grammatical errors in addition to using, for instance, the same color description of characters' eyes three times in five paragraphs.
omg hell yes please continue
so good hurry up an write another chapter PLEASEEEEEEEEE
Nice first effort
As other readers have suggested, you should get an editor. There are a few obvious misspellings, some grammatical errors, and some stylistic matters that should be addressed to make the story flow more smoothly. The actual storytelling is generally good and it would be a shame to let the technical aspects detract from the effort.
I think their scoring method STINKS!
A 50 is neither a pat on the back nor is it a kick in the groin. It is simply an acknowledgment that u wrote something BUT there is a lot of room 4 improvement. So I'm wating 4 the next installment b4 I make up my mind. It needs WORK BADLY 2 get past a 50!
could be good
this could be a good story if you finish it and depending on how you finish it
Potential
This story, like so many others, has the potential to be truly interesting. Aside from a few small grammatical errors, there isn't anything obviously wrong with it- it's just that there wasn't enough build-up, enough story, for it to feel like a complete chapter. Not enough things happened. In later chapters we could do with a little background on the main characters, namely Gesabel and Mason, and a little on the parents-perhaps why the father reacted so violently at the sound of a broken mug. A little history on the characters can do wonders for getting readers attached to them and gets them more invested in the characters than they otherwise would be. The more invested readers are in the characters, the more they care what happens to them; they more they care, the more they'll read and enjoy.
real dumb
if he felt so bad watching someone hug his sister why did he stay? seems he would makeup an excuse to go back to college instead of staying there. keep it atleast somewhat realistic and believable please.
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