this is a great story i love the back flashes please tell me there will be more
Both parts were well done. Keep the plot going for there is a great start there.
We don't even know how to pluralize moose in these parts. The nearest one must be hundreds of miles away. Good thing you didn't shoot the only one here, since no one else has even seen it...
Nature setting and interludes of action... Hemingway fan perhaps? Well written story anyway. Thanks for sharing it with us.
This story only suffers from a few glitches--like putting an apostrophe in the neuter possessive, pull-EEEZE don't do that--and a few cliches, and of course it's too bad about the moose in the Sierras (I didn't know they weren't indigenous to the area either) but even so, the two parts of the story woven together, and the spiritual journey the protagonist goes through, make it definitely worth reading.
I didn't find a misplaced apostrophe.
There are actually moose hunting guides that work in the Sierras. Of course, it could be that they never actually FIND moose, just hunt them.
Really great writing, excellent narrative, good characterization, outstanding plot and story pace. Whew, what else can I say a 5 star+++
I could stop reading, I was drawn like a bee to nectar. MORE! MORE! MORE!
Mm, pretty good, dude. I absolutely love the illusion in the very beginning: well written. The flashbacks are pretty good, although a bit not-fitting with the "present" story at times. You can improve this story so much more if you somehow made the flashbacks parallel to the present story (in Sierra with Linda). Also, the flashbacks could be used as a rhetorical device to help build into a climax along with the present. You didn't have much of a climax from the flashes: you just flat-lined it by talking about his boring, selfish life after the incident. I loved the individual stories themselves, however. The flashbacks do well to explain Dane's reason to be where he is in life and how his personality was shaped. Linda's spontaneous decision to give Dane oral sex was a bit out of character (sort of contradicts her slight annoyance [even if she was joking with Dane about it earlier, she is probably still slightly annoyed] of guys fucking her to get a place to sleep [metaphorical or not]), despite the fact that we don't know much about her personality. The sex scene was pretty good, although part of it seemed a bit slow (esp the parts right before and after when Dane mentions his "promise"). Oh, and I also didn't like how Linda came so easily at first. Most women need at least clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm. Either show that (for the first orgasm), or have Dane be surprised with how quickly and easily she came. Otherwise, good sex scene. Your grammar was pretty good, and you didn't use much repitition. All in all, I loved the idea of everything, you written well, and you did a great job. I was just about to sleep before I started reading your story, but your strong beginning lured me in (that explains my bad review: I'm tired.. Sorry about that. And please ignore my incorrect verb tenses.). Anyways, good job, man.
18.5 :D's / 23 :D's
keep it up, dude.
PS (to the guys arguing about whether moose live in the Sierras) are you sure you guys are talking about the same Sierras? I only know of one (Sierra Nevada), but there may be more than one (different places, same name- although unlikely to have both be places of nature). Search it up, if you'd like to; I'm too tired. Good night peoples (I am aware "peoples" is not a word: it's my own lingo).
Ever actually watched a moose? Moose don't bound. Deer bound. Moose? Not so much.
Great story. I enjoyed the story within a story too. Makes me think about moving to the woods although chasing a bear away might be a bit too much.
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