by KarennaC
I enjoyed the story. But I have one bit of constructive criticism. Several times in the story you switched from third person to first person in your story. I hope I used the correct terms. If sounded as if you wer another person telling the story but a couple times you said I or my as if you were telling the story yourself. Keep up the good work. I'd like to see how this story progresses.
This story has a good premise and held my attention but slipping between the 1st person perspective and the 3rd person perspective threw me off a bit. I think you need to choose the viewpoint you are telling the story from and stick with it. If you are willing to do that I'd love to hear more of this story.