All Comments on 'I AM'

by oregon_gal

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  • 3 Comments
AngelineAngelinealmost 16 years ago
Overall I really like this poem!

It put me in mind of Whitman's Song of Myself, and I love the way you've used spacing and the caps on "I AM" to add emphasis. I did think it could use more concrete imagery and, in a few places, there are phrases (i.e., "white head of collaborative spirit" "bowls of nothingness") that don't really say anything to me. If you could replace some of those with concrete images I think it would really strengthen this piece.

Your poem has been recommended in the New Poems Review thread on Literotica's Poetry Feedback and Discussion forum.

LeBrozLeBrozalmost 16 years ago
██

Now that's odd. I also got a feel for this in the spirit of Walt Whitman, though what sprang to mind for me was, "I Sing the Body Electric," even though that piece sounds much different than this. Very well done.

unpredictablebijouunpredictablebijoualmost 16 years ago
Really liked this

your images are complex and your phrasing has a nicely lyrical quality. One minor quibble: I got very uncomfortable about the 'bowels of nothingness' - it's a pretty weak and overdramatic phrase, and might be unworthy of the way you've carefully addressed the rest of the ideas. Other than that, yes, Whitmanesque came to mind for me too. Nicely done.

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