All Comments on 'Caravan, Largo Bay'

So I was generous and gave it that

The basic story line is pretty decent, but the writing.... You know, there's this thing which has been invented. It's called punctuation; it helps the reader understand the writer's intent. On occasion, that level of understanding comes in rather handy.

-- KK in Texas

I enjoyed your story, but it would have benefitted from a few edits and some punctuation.

What are the complainers talking about? Oh well, you can't please everyone. Sexy, hot, dirty, wild animal sex. Now how can you go far wrong with that? (I'm not into anal sex, but I still thought you wrote a hot scene about it.)

Loved the dialog in this piece. I could just hear the accents in my head as I read it, which only made it sexier. Very nicely done; I really enjoyed this story.

I hope your friend liked it as much as I did. Hot and bothered barely describes my state. You have quickly become one of my favourites.

I loved the writing. I felt like I was there. I did not at all mind the lack of quotes. That was your style. I can only say one thing.....I wish I was her.

I do not gripe much on grammar...I think it makes more sense to write the story around a feeling than to worry yourself over commas and semicolons. I look at prose much like poetry - it is the sound of the words more than the structure than makes the difference. So ignore those grammar freaks...they will miss out on a lot of good lit for getting bent up over a comma or two.

I liked it, love your setting descriptions...very inspiring.

Hot stuff! Dirty old men don't usually do it for me ;)

well...what can I say. Just got off hard to this story. Dirty old men do it for me even more now. Your punctuation is spot on, and allows for greater fluency, in my opinion. Some people are just not educated about embedded dialogue.

Loved it - got me squirming in my seat - can't believe how much dirty old men do it for me. I'm coming to understand and accept your writing style more, with each story I read. Brilliant! Glad I discovered your work.

thank you,gem

What a wild, scorching ride. James could have me in a heartbeat (if he'd give up smoking -- what can I say, I am a California girl through and through...).

Liked the pace. Will read more now.

That was great! I really like your style of writing, the story starts off fast and just keeps the reader interested until the end.

I need to read this story again and again.

So that I can absorb each situation, to the full.

Yes, I really want to feel,

so that my prick can be so satisfied.

I love the set up of this story. That the man writes for literotica made me smile. I wouldn't mind meeting a feisty, older Scottish man that way. Grrr, this definitely got me going. The lack of quotation marks detracted from the dialogue, though. I couldn't tell when to read in a matter-of-factly manner or in a gruff, forceful manner. Maybe you should just do an audio version. Mmm, I'd like that!

Great story!

Did you get her 'phone number?

Wonderful filthy fuck story!

I have just re-read this old tale of mine, VERY critically, not having re-visited it for some time. It was one of the earliest, but not the first story I sent to Literotica, seven years ago now, with the encouragement of a fellow, and successful, published Scots author whose career began on Lit. (She kens who she is, and mony thanks again lassie, gin ye chaunce tae see this. I hope yer aye daein weel.) The rest of you don't need to understand this wee note to her; it's personal, one Scot to another. Just in public, sort of...

On re-reading this tale today, I cringed at some of the writing; so obviously that of an aspiring (though not young) creative writer struggling with an early attempt at erotica for online publication. Seeking to develop his own somewhat unorthodox style of 'embedded dialogue', and sometimes using a native language not well understood outside Scotland. It also has desperately poor character development, and unrealistic sex scenes in consequence, in several places. I do hope I've improved a wee bit since then. If I ever seek to publish erotic stories commercially, it would be far easier to bin this, than to try to edit it into something I could be proud of. The basic storyline, such as it is, is OK and reasonably credible... but it requires a near-total rewrite to get it up to the literary standard I now expect of myself. Aye, I did say 'LITERARY'. Very deliberately. This is still LITerotica. I cling to the first three letters of the word, albeit a bit desperately at times...

But, being a thrawn auld bastard, I'm keeping my story up. There is no single 'English' or 'US' English word of which I'm aware, for 'thrawn', as with many Scots terms; the nearest I can get to current Scots usage is 'perversely and desperately obstinate'. And aye, that's why I use my native tongue sometimes, especially to render dialogue. Even for an international audience. Because it's MY tongue, it's what I SPEAK daily to other Scots. It's what most Scots folk speak, with regional variations. I'm fuckin PROUD of it. And it can be most expressive, in ways, however fine they CAN be, that 'English' and 'US' English aren't.

Ye all sing 'Auld Land Syne' at New Year, dain't ye? ('Should old acquaintance be forgot', in case you don't know the Scots title.) Rabbie Burns wrocht it.. Pure Scots, fae the echteenth caintury. Weel ower twa hunnert years syne. ('Well over two hundred years ago.')

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Auld_Lang_Syne

So I'm keeping this story up, if only to remind myself how poor I was as a writer when I made my first trepidatious steps into online publishing. (Whatever US spellcheck Lit uses is redlining TREPIDATIOUS, but I've checked my Oxford AND googled it, as I always do if I ever have the slightest cause for doubt about my spelling, and that is the correct 'British' English, so it stays. And interestingly, the Literotica spellcheck also redlines 'Literotica' and 'googled'!)

Late night musings of an auld Scot, reflecting on the progress of his own writing, eh? (For my Canadian friends, 'eh' at the end of a sentence has been stereotypically Scots for at least as long as it has been Canadian. If not longer. You may even have got it fae us. Eh?)

Many thanks to Literotica for its uncritically 'open doors' policy, for those writers who abide by its rules. I know the rules are frustrating for some. The age of consent here is 16, not Lit's 18, and it's 16 in most European countries, and I understand from Wiki in the majority of US states. It's younger in many reputably 'civilised' nations like Spain (where it's 13), for example... But Lit's rules are theirs to make, nae doot for good legal reason, and I have aye abided by them. If ye want to play the game, ye maun play tae the rules.

Lit's 'open doors' attitude has allowed many aspiring writers exposure to their first wider public audience. However frustrating that may sometimes be, especially for any proudly non-US 'English' writer exposed to an audience whose largest single country of origin lives by (to us) sometimes strange US linguistic, social and political customs; Lit has been, and continues to be, a wonderful blessing. Even though its policies, which I understand and endorse, mean that one usually has to sift through a fair amount of dross to find the gems, or those roughish stones which with burnishing and time, may with a wee bit of encouragement become gems. And please remember, Lit readers. Just ONE positive comment to a potentially good writer may inspire her/him to write more, and better.

So. A heartfelt thank you, Literotica, from this sometimes too-critical auld Scot. Lang may yer lum reek. Literally, 'Long may smoke emerge from your chimney'; meaning essentially, 'Long may you live and prosper'. But isnae the Scots raither mair evocative?)

Guid nicht tae ye a.

Scotsman69

The hotel was owned by an uncle many years ago. I was never so lucky.

As always , a good tale