Understand you live in India — it is clear when one reads your writing. You NEED an editor who can help you to correct the syntax, vocabulary and grammer, not just spelling, so that it is not irritating to native English speakers who read your stories. Don't stop writing, but get help, you really need it, and there a lot of people (check out the forums,) willing to help.
by
Anonymous05/24/08
Good Creativity
I was amazed that Dee did not accompany her father to the hospital. The father's heart attack was overkill on the part of Lee. Remember he plotted the whole thing and had to know that this was in the cards. Keep writing. Personally I did not have too many problems with your syntax. But then I am used to reading many different forms of English.... Try Chaucer or Jame Joyce.
by
Anonymous05/24/08
Good Creativity
I was amazed that Dee did not accompany her father to the hospital. The father's heart attack was overkill on the part of Lee. Remember he plotted the whole thing and had to know that this was in the cards. Keep writing. Personally I did not have too many problems with your syntax. But then I am used to reading many different forms of English.... Try Chaucer or Jame Joyce.
I guess I should submit these stories as Non-English but then most of the stories here would fall into that category. Let me explain... I try to infuse things American in my stories because I want these stories to be as impersonal as they can be. I am writing these stories as a part of my anger management therapy. I need someplace to vent the anger that is steamed up in me.
And no, my wife is a stay home mom who is completely faithful to me. My problem is my job and my asshole of a boss. I cannot leave this job because I am bound by a contract and I cannot shot on him because that will just give him more pleasure.
So back to the language bit. When the British came to India we took their language and made it our by introducing our own phrases and nuances. This new language is called "Indian English" it is not a dialect thing... it is a different language. Just as American English is different from the Queens English.
My stories are in 'Indian English". So, you are just reading a foreign language story written in a language that is not American English. As for the spelling mistake - English is my third language and I can only say one thing to all - I'll be more cautious the next time around.
thank you for taking your time out to read my story.
by
Anonymous05/24/08
I have
enjoyed the whole series and did make allowances for American not being your native language.I wonder how many of the people who commented can speak whatever your language is(I know you have many different ones in India),I will bet that they cannot speak it as well as you speak American.Keep on writing you are quite good at it.
and get an editor / reader so that with each new effort you can get better incrementally.
Your heart is in the right place so with effort and planning you will grow to the extent you desire.
Best Regards
by
Anonymous06/25/09
The story itself was not to bad but you seriously
need an editor and proofreader, different people. the story was so short it could have all been done in one piece. Got to say I do not care for chapter stories, especially those that come out irregularly. By that I mean not a chapter every day to end it.
you can join my club of "men with balls" anytime. I also think that Dg is great but you are up and coming.
by
Anonymous09/12/09
The ending was good but drawn out
Making it sound American is great except Porshe's arent American and are not a car most people would associate with. Yes a few overgrown little boys own them but then again if you want to impress someone get a Lotus.
Though, it was not necessary to go thru all this torture, just find another girl and dump her after that, let her think why had you done this to her. You are legally bounded to her. You did not need any proof. Her plan was to keep you in dark for life and you should do the same. Public humiliation is something over-revenge. Even then good plot.
She thought she had it all under control along with Chris, and she was wrong. Between the credit card and way the announcement was made and the people that helped, wounderful.
English
Revenge
Good ending. I like revenge
OK — gave it a chance
Understand you live in India — it is clear when one reads your writing. You NEED an editor who can help you to correct the syntax, vocabulary and grammer, not just spelling, so that it is not irritating to native English speakers who read your stories. Don't stop writing, but get help, you really need it, and there a lot of people (check out the forums,) willing to help.
Good Creativity
I was amazed that Dee did not accompany her father to the hospital. The father's heart attack was overkill on the part of Lee. Remember he plotted the whole thing and had to know that this was in the cards. Keep writing. Personally I did not have too many problems with your syntax. But then I am used to reading many different forms of English.... Try Chaucer or Jame Joyce.
Good Creativity
I was amazed that Dee did not accompany her father to the hospital. The father's heart attack was overkill on the part of Lee. Remember he plotted the whole thing and had to know that this was in the cards. Keep writing. Personally I did not have too many problems with your syntax. But then I am used to reading many different forms of English.... Try Chaucer or Jame Joyce.
I am the author
I guess I should submit these stories as Non-English but then most of the stories here would fall into that category. Let me explain... I try to infuse things American in my stories because I want these stories to be as impersonal as they can be. I am writing these stories as a part of my anger management therapy. I need someplace to vent the anger that is steamed up in me.
And no, my wife is a stay home mom who is completely faithful to me. My problem is my job and my asshole of a boss. I cannot leave this job because I am bound by a contract and I cannot shot on him because that will just give him more pleasure.
So back to the language bit. When the British came to India we took their language and made it our by introducing our own phrases and nuances. This new language is called "Indian English" it is not a dialect thing... it is a different language. Just as American English is different from the Queens English.
My stories are in 'Indian English". So, you are just reading a foreign language story written in a language that is not American English. As for the spelling mistake - English is my third language and I can only say one thing to all - I'll be more cautious the next time around.
thank you for taking your time out to read my story.
I have
enjoyed the whole series and did make allowances for American not being your native language.I wonder how many of the people who commented can speak whatever your language is(I know you have many different ones in India),I will bet that they cannot speak it as well as you speak American.Keep on writing you are quite good at it.
Well done!
Nice revenge story.
Don't Over Apologise - Just Take Your Time
and get an editor / reader so that with each new effort you can get better incrementally.
Your heart is in the right place so with effort and planning you will grow to the extent you desire.
Best Regards
The story itself was not to bad but you seriously
need an editor and proofreader, different people. the story was so short it could have all been done in one piece. Got to say I do not care for chapter stories, especially those that come out irregularly. By that I mean not a chapter every day to end it.
I have read the complete series and think that
you can join my club of "men with balls" anytime. I also think that Dg is great but you are up and coming.
The ending was good but drawn out
Making it sound American is great except Porshe's arent American and are not a car most people would associate with. Yes a few overgrown little boys own them but then again if you want to impress someone get a Lotus.
good revenge
Though, it was not necessary to go thru all this torture, just find another girl and dump her after that, let her think why had you done this to her. You are legally bounded to her. You did not need any proof. Her plan was to keep you in dark for life and you should do the same. Public humiliation is something over-revenge. Even then good plot.
Great revenge
Well told
surprise
She thought she had it all under control along with Chris, and she was wrong. Between the credit card and way the announcement was made and the people that helped, wounderful.
SALUTE!!!!
...........word-up my brother
All your stories
Need epilogues you never truly finish them.
Dont bother
Writing if you can't finish them
Good finish
A very credible effort -
He did well and no one died - we hope -
She was an idiot but whatever -
epilogue
do epilogue
WHEN THE PAYBACKS BECOME SO SWEET
chalk up one in the win column. TK U MLJ LV NV
Twas a fun read
Needs an epilogue though,I mean she can still get together with her true love.
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