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English
Well, nice, but.......
It's a nice story, sweet and romantic. The problem is that there are too many points which are just too improbable to make the story truly enjoyable. Keep working, though; there's some potential, here.
-- KK in Texas
Not bad
It was a sweet little tale. Keep writing.
Cute
Not bad for a first submission. I agree with KK below that there were just a few points that could be improved upon. But overall, you have great potential and I look forward to more of your stories.
Oh my!
A little obvious up front — there certainly wasn't any surprise when Cael/the hunter shows up as her betrothed! LOL!
As some of the other readers have commented, there are all sorts of little nits that one could pick, but, hey, its fiction. Still, very romantic in style, a sexy fairy tale!
a bit confused
At first I was confused in thinking whether this was a historical piece or a contemporary one. The earlier paragraphs suggested the former, while the later paragraphs showed that it's the latter. A good first effort, with a few minor kinks. Keep writing!
Exquisite!
A perfectly written story of men that just dnt exist anymore and if they do, they're as rare as dodo eggs! on a serious note, it was fantastic, really engaged the audience with the emotions felt throughout the whole story and im sure many felt exactly what was being described due to the emotive colourful language used and the style in which it was written. congratulations on writing such a wonderful piece of literature! (a bit extreme i know but its just right!)
Loved it!
This is definitely my favorite story. Keep writing!
Nice story
Very nice, made me feel warm and fuzzy inside.
One small thing - when he's penetrating her, he doesn't have to 'tear' the hymen with force. He seems to be so gentle and understanding in every other way, that it's strange how he has this forceful way of trying to enter her.
http://www.vaginismus-awareness-network.org/hyme n.html
Other than that, keep it up!
Great job
I just wanted to tell you it was so good. It was sweet and great mental pictures. When he was taking her for the first time, there were small tears in my eyes because of the care. Good job!!
Marvellous !!
The best story ive ever read .
I really wish it turns true 4 every 1.... :)
great
loved it , beautiful story , keep writing such stories
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