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English
Not bad
I don't know why but reading something written in the present tense always bugs me. Good job though I'd like to know more back story on the characters.
Nice..
Definitely leaves you waiting for more, which I'm sure was your intention. I don't normally do chapters or series, but I think that I will keep an eye out for the next installment!
Agree with DK
Present tenses bug me also but the story itself is intriguing. I'm interested to see where this leads and will definitely look for the next chapter.
Good
Good story so far but I definitely suggest you have someone help edit your writing. Poor grammar/spelling and also present tense tends to be a major distraction to readers. Looking forward to the next installment though.
Not Bad
It is a good start. You jump tenses between present and past, which makes it hard to follow. The tale has some merit and needs some fleshing out. I would recommend getting an editor to help you out. ^_^
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