will there be a sequel. if yes, perhaps you could elaborate more on their feelings, perhaps add some guilt conflict in there and then a wonderful resolution? :D
I love the beginning, the tease, please let there be more.
by
Anonymous06/06/08
Yes !
Quite believeable and very hot . You have a good long story to tell us .
by
Anonymous06/06/08
Why don't I think....
...that she'll still b a virgin in the morning?
by
Anonymous06/07/08
good start
It is an very good start, I hope................
by
Anonymous06/07/08
Great
Keep the story going!!!!
by
Anonymous03/27/09
keep track
good story but you need to keep better track of what you write you said she was on her stomach when she took off her jeans yet he sees her pubic hair shaved into a triangle not going to happen if shes face down no way would he see it little goofs like this can really ruin a story get an editor and do a rewrite and never submit a story with out going through an editor first
English
part 2?
will there be a sequel. if yes, perhaps you could elaborate more on their feelings, perhaps add some guilt conflict in there and then a wonderful resolution? :D
Must
Have a chapter 2 at least.
Further developments
I love the beginning, the tease, please let there be more.
Yes !
Quite believeable and very hot . You have a good long story to tell us .
Why don't I think....
...that she'll still b a virgin in the morning?
good start
It is an very good start, I hope................
Great
Keep the story going!!!!
keep track
good story but you need to keep better track of what you write you said she was on her stomach when she took off her jeans yet he sees her pubic hair shaved into a triangle not going to happen if shes face down no way would he see it little goofs like this can really ruin a story get an editor and do a rewrite and never submit a story with out going through an editor first
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