Apart of some flaw with the time table of the events (unless I am mistaken), I feel this story has been rushed. It could have been much better, more charaterized. Sorry to say. Still a good story. G.Belgium
by
Anonymous06/11/08
"Marriage is between a man and a woman..."
"... for the purpose of making children." Or so the fundies say (albeit not people who truly follow Christ's teachings). I like how you show one of the natural consequences of that absurd premise. It's not designed to hurt only gay people; it's also designed to hurt people who can't have children.
//////// END OF PARAGRAPH ///////
The writing here is a bit rough, but I like your premise and execution.
I like your stories they have depth and in most cases meaning to them. I have to say even though i got married in church (NOT MY IDEA) I truly beleive the world would be a better place if someone hadn't invented religon. I look forward to your next story.
I find myself agreeing again with out Belgian Friend. Great idea, well put together dialogue, but much too fast in terms of internal time. No suprises because the story was classified as Taboo. If you had put it in Romance perhaps I would have been blind-sided. \ It is your story but it could have been a great story with a bit more polishing. You have a lot of talent.
by
Anonymous06/11/08
??
I guess his actions were justifiable...whateva. The wife seemed more mentally unbalanced from her ordeal more than anything but other than him giving ultimatums and seeking help/advice through the church there seemed to be no effort on anyone's part to get the wife professional help. Maybe I missed that somewhere since I started skimming just to get the story over with. The husband and kids just kept crying about mom turning into an unfeeling robot but then it was like, oh well. The son deals with it by moving away, the father and daughter fuck and leave to go on vacation. The ultimate consequence to her obviously pyschological breakdown is a divorce and to deal with it with her mother. I'm guessing she was not that much of a mother and wife in the first place if everyone decided to abandon her to her own pyschosis, but hey as long as dad's getting sex, it's all good. Simplistic I know, but besides all the crying the characters seemed to be cold and abrupt in their actions. No real build up, just bam, you suck as a wife, my daughter loves and fucks me, see ya when I see ya. Yet again, maybe I missed something that would have softened all the characters up and made feel for any of them in any way shape or form.
why did the wife shut down on her grown Kids? Her fiercely held beliefs about women/ babies is one thing but the kids even grown PROVES she is a woman. That part of the story makes NO sense.
Her total collapse came from what she was Taught by her mom and to a lessor degree the Church. But her mom never said stop loving your kids. Her church never said that. so where does THAT come from ?
The wife's mental emotional and sexual collapse had NOTHING to do with the church or any church per se. The wife's reaction would of occurred no matter what she church he was a member of.. and that is PROVEN by her reaction to her own kids.
Given all that what is the point of the husband fucking his own daughter ? The church seem to have been on HIS side so this whole anti chuch incest thing also makes No sense. Imagine trying to explain this to other family and friends.
I had a feeling of sadness for the family.Even though it was a written fantasy,it has most likely happened.Thanks for the well written story
by
Anonymous06/11/08
Well, That Was Pretty Weird!
Weird. Bizarre conversations, impossible dialogue, sliding time-scales that are right off the planet...
Weird.
by
Anonymous06/11/08
Inovative Story
Perhaps the story does need some editing and consistency in terms of events (but I am taking the word of some of your critics), I thought the plot was very unique and dispite some people's thought that this couldn't happen, they seemed to not to been around too much. It does happen folks, grow up. I think it is a very good story as it engaged the sympathetic part of me but it also engaged the sexual part of me. Keep up the good work.
Obviously some of the commenters do not understand some of the realities of this world. Yes, this could have, and has, happened in one form or another. The mother's reaction is totally possible.
Whatever the time line issues mentioned, its is a good story and I thoroughly enjoyed it!!
I ask that you write a sequel as father and daughter move on and establish their lives elsewhere.
by
Anonymous06/12/08
Weird Story
Very strange, sad story. It's almost like husband , wife and daughter are all cut out cardbooard charicatures of human beings.
the Ct. Yankee
by
Anonymous06/18/08
What is this?
I hope there aren't any more stories like this on the site! Its so, utterly sad and way too serious for the flakes that read in here. It certainly seems that Scorpio wrote a true story, but I'll bet he won't admit it. The sex was good, but had to be expected, and only a hopeless prude could condemn it.
by
Anonymous08/28/08
Should be in Sci-Fi
1 - What church acts by taking a poll of members? Maria needed serious counseling, that was obvious to anyone reading the opening of this story. Your failure to address this irritated me thoughout the story (she could have refused).
2 - No real development or characters, just circumstances. Not your best by far.
by
Anonymous08/28/08
I
have a problem with the timing of events.They lived abroad for 6 years and both their kids were born abroad.After being back for 2 years Marie unfortunately had a miscarriage,and had to have a life saving hysterectomy.This made her refuse all sexual activity with her husband.The kids,by this time table could only be 7 or 8 years old.He then reveals to his son's girlfriend that Marie had the hysterectomy/miscarriage 13 months ago.The kids could not possibly old be old enough for him to have sex with his daughter,and his son to have a grown up girlfriend.
Scorpio 44 you really surprised me with this story. As I said in my comment on the "Abigale" story this is one I just clicked away from before. Besides the incest part, my fault for not reading the category, Your writing was far from your usual high quality. While we are not personal friends by a long shot I think you are one of the best writers on this site. Still I will tell you I think you screwed the pooch on this one.I gave you a 4 just because of all of your other great stories. Yeah, we all have our bad days and make silly mistakes.
For the Any Mouse guy from MIT you might try going to the university's Quantum Physics lab and have them explain the behavior of sub atomic particles. There's where you find weird.
Scorpio 44 you really surprised me with this story. As I said in my comment on the "Abigale" story this is one I just clicked away from before. Besides the incest part, my fault for not reading the category, Your writing was far from your usual high quality. While we are not personal friends by a long shot I think you are one of the best writers on this site. Still I will tell you I think you screwed the pooch on this one.I gave you a 4 just because of all of your other great stories. Yeah, we all have our bad days and make silly mistakes.
For the Any Mouse guy from MIT you might try going to the university's Quantum Physics lab and have them explain the behavior of sub atomic particles. There's where you find weird.
The following quote from Tired Texan:
. . .Yes, this could have, and has, happened in one form or another. The mother's reaction is totally possible. . .
Your stories usually hit a mark with me, in some form or other. It is very rare when I don't grasp your point or find similarities to/with events in my real off-site life. This story hit a mark that occured recently in real life.
Last month I became a grandmother. Around 9:30 am my son called and told me that he'd almost lost the child's mother as a result of severe hemmorage and Placenta Privia. They thought that, if the bleeding couldn't be stopped, she would need a hysterectomy. Mommy is only 22.
Fortunately, the hysterectomy did not occur, and mommy, daughter, and daddy are slowly returning to a full and healthy life with talk of more children in the next few years.
I am glad that Pete and Janice have carried on and are planning to live their lives as THEY see is right for them. Do I condone incest as a rule? No. But when there is a deep and abiding love and sincere affection and caring involved... do we, as a society, have the right to put a label on love?
Pete did what was right by and for Marie. She is the one who pulled away from him and forgot the "in sickness and in health" portion of their vows.
You are rushing this story. For starters, let me point out to other commenters that whether you like the characters (and/or their actions) and whether the story is well written or not are two entirely separate things. Often the point of the story is to tell the tale of someone who is having difficulty, real difficulty, in life. In this case, I have trouble with the husband's readiness to reject his wife instead of trying to help her through what is for her a hellishly difficult situation.
And then personal pronouns: Would you write "Dinner for I..."? Of course not. Then why write "Dinner for Janice and I..."? Cheers, PikkuKalle
by
Anonymous03/08/11
excellent
I love the way you write. Makes me interested in the author I want to know more about you
No one is as good at this task as your own loving parents, cause they get to you when your whole outlook on life is being formed. I didn't care much for the story, but it was well written.
I think the story has more potential than was evident from what we have to read. The timeline was puzzling but I almost see it as a rough outline of a story that deserves more thought and detail than what I see. IMHO not at the same level of others I have read from Scorpia44,
by
Anonymous12/16/13
vice is nice but incest is best
terrible what happened to his wife but she needed to get over it and continue to be a loving wife and mother but she retreated into herself....glad the lad got away to work and learn a honest trade and the daughter knew what he needed as did she ...life will be good for them....as for the wife and mother they have the rest of their days to be vacant and morose and lifeless souls....they got what they deserved...
by throwing caution and morality to the wind. TK U MLJ LV NV
by
Anonymous11/06/16
Too sad and twisted to be a good story...
First time I've read this story, there's nothing to enjoy here. I can enjoy some incest stories if they're well written, but this one isn't.
First off, the husband abandons his wife when she loses touch with reality after a miscarriage and emergency hysterectomy. She obviously needs help, but the husband just pouts, demands sex and affection and, failing to receive it, threatens to leave her or start an affair. He apparently never even considers getting her to a shrink.
Secondly, his daughter suddenly slides into his bed and they have sex - Dad doesn't even hesitate. She announces that he must have sex with her at least once a week, that he divorce her mother, and that they go live someplace else. Dad calls the mother-in-law and tells her to come get his wife because "she's spaced out" and there won't be anyone to care for her when he leaves for vacation with their daughter. Sweet guy, huh?
The husband and daughter are losers. They're just too cruel for me to enjoy the story, a story that's not very well written. Timeline's hosed, characters are 2 dimensional, dialogue is not believable. If you're going to write interesting, sexy, incest, you have to first build a somewhat believable scenario wherein the characters acknowledge the taboo nature of it, yet find a reason, or excuse, to overcome their reluctance and pursue that relationship - or maybe you have the characters raised in, or belonging to, a pre-existing, incestual environment. You have to give the reader something. There has to be some reason, some kind of progression from "normal" familial relations to a sexual one - crossing societal boundaries is rarely sudden and without pain or stress. You offered very little, if anything, in that regard. As a result, your story seems wooden, rushed, and not believable. My opinion.
Some deeply religious women still believe that marriage in general and sex in particular is only for the purpose of making babies. Once the babies stop her only job is to raise the brood that she has produced. In Marie's case when her reproductive capacity was removed from her body. Her job was done. I think this train wreck was going to happen in any case because once menopause set in her eggs would have stopped being produced. At that point the sex would have ended. Even masturbation would have been a sin in her eyes because self gratification is a sex act that is not aimed at producing children. Religion can be a good presence in a couples life but not in this case.
English
good, but
Apart of some flaw with the time table of the events (unless I am mistaken), I feel this story has been rushed. It could have been much better, more charaterized. Sorry to say. Still a good story. G.Belgium
"Marriage is between a man and a woman..."
"... for the purpose of making children." Or so the fundies say (albeit not people who truly follow Christ's teachings). I like how you show one of the natural consequences of that absurd premise. It's not designed to hurt only gay people; it's also designed to hurt people who can't have children.
//////// END OF PARAGRAPH ///////
The writing here is a bit rough, but I like your premise and execution.
Well done again!
I like your stories they have depth and in most cases meaning to them. I have to say even though i got married in church (NOT MY IDEA) I truly beleive the world would be a better place if someone hadn't invented religon. I look forward to your next story.
A Good Story
I find myself agreeing again with out Belgian Friend. Great idea, well put together dialogue, but much too fast in terms of internal time. No suprises because the story was classified as Taboo. If you had put it in Romance perhaps I would have been blind-sided. \ It is your story but it could have been a great story with a bit more polishing. You have a lot of talent.
??
I guess his actions were justifiable...whateva. The wife seemed more mentally unbalanced from her ordeal more than anything but other than him giving ultimatums and seeking help/advice through the church there seemed to be no effort on anyone's part to get the wife professional help. Maybe I missed that somewhere since I started skimming just to get the story over with. The husband and kids just kept crying about mom turning into an unfeeling robot but then it was like, oh well. The son deals with it by moving away, the father and daughter fuck and leave to go on vacation. The ultimate consequence to her obviously pyschological breakdown is a divorce and to deal with it with her mother. I'm guessing she was not that much of a mother and wife in the first place if everyone decided to abandon her to her own pyschosis, but hey as long as dad's getting sex, it's all good. Simplistic I know, but besides all the crying the characters seemed to be cold and abrupt in their actions. No real build up, just bam, you suck as a wife, my daughter loves and fucks me, see ya when I see ya. Yet again, maybe I missed something that would have softened all the characters up and made feel for any of them in any way shape or form.
Um I dont get it. what a revolting story
why did the wife shut down on her grown Kids? Her fiercely held beliefs about women/ babies is one thing but the kids even grown PROVES she is a woman. That part of the story makes NO sense.
Her total collapse came from what she was Taught by her mom and to a lessor degree the Church. But her mom never said stop loving your kids. Her church never said that. so where does THAT come from ?
The wife's mental emotional and sexual collapse had NOTHING to do with the church or any church per se. The wife's reaction would of occurred no matter what she church he was a member of.. and that is PROVEN by her reaction to her own kids.
Given all that what is the point of the husband fucking his own daughter ? The church seem to have been on HIS side so this whole anti chuch incest thing also makes No sense. Imagine trying to explain this to other family and friends.
pretty awful .
fiction but something to think about
I had a feeling of sadness for the family.Even though it was a written fantasy,it has most likely happened.Thanks for the well written story
Well, That Was Pretty Weird!
Weird. Bizarre conversations, impossible dialogue, sliding time-scales that are right off the planet...
Weird.
Inovative Story
Perhaps the story does need some editing and consistency in terms of events (but I am taking the word of some of your critics), I thought the plot was very unique and dispite some people's thought that this couldn't happen, they seemed to not to been around too much. It does happen folks, grow up. I think it is a very good story as it engaged the sympathetic part of me but it also engaged the sexual part of me. Keep up the good work.
I would like to see another chapter....
Obviously some of the commenters do not understand some of the realities of this world. Yes, this could have, and has, happened in one form or another. The mother's reaction is totally possible.
Whatever the time line issues mentioned, its is a good story and I thoroughly enjoyed it!!
I ask that you write a sequel as father and daughter move on and establish their lives elsewhere.
Weird Story
Very strange, sad story. It's almost like husband , wife and daughter are all cut out cardbooard charicatures of human beings.
the Ct. Yankee
What is this?
I hope there aren't any more stories like this on the site! Its so, utterly sad and way too serious for the flakes that read in here. It certainly seems that Scorpio wrote a true story, but I'll bet he won't admit it. The sex was good, but had to be expected, and only a hopeless prude could condemn it.
Should be in Sci-Fi
1 - What church acts by taking a poll of members? Maria needed serious counseling, that was obvious to anyone reading the opening of this story. Your failure to address this irritated me thoughout the story (she could have refused).
2 - No real development or characters, just circumstances. Not your best by far.
I
have a problem with the timing of events.They lived abroad for 6 years and both their kids were born abroad.After being back for 2 years Marie unfortunately had a miscarriage,and had to have a life saving hysterectomy.This made her refuse all sexual activity with her husband.The kids,by this time table could only be 7 or 8 years old.He then reveals to his son's girlfriend that Marie had the hysterectomy/miscarriage 13 months ago.The kids could not possibly old be old enough for him to have sex with his daughter,and his son to have a grown up girlfriend.
GAWD DAM
I love it when bible thumper's fuck their daughters. It seems so right somehow.
Far From Your Best Effort
Scorpio 44 you really surprised me with this story. As I said in my comment on the "Abigale" story this is one I just clicked away from before. Besides the incest part, my fault for not reading the category, Your writing was far from your usual high quality. While we are not personal friends by a long shot I think you are one of the best writers on this site. Still I will tell you I think you screwed the pooch on this one.I gave you a 4 just because of all of your other great stories. Yeah, we all have our bad days and make silly mistakes.
For the Any Mouse guy from MIT you might try going to the university's Quantum Physics lab and have them explain the behavior of sub atomic particles. There's where you find weird.
Respectfully,
Mike S.
Far From Your Best Effort
Scorpio 44 you really surprised me with this story. As I said in my comment on the "Abigale" story this is one I just clicked away from before. Besides the incest part, my fault for not reading the category, Your writing was far from your usual high quality. While we are not personal friends by a long shot I think you are one of the best writers on this site. Still I will tell you I think you screwed the pooch on this one.I gave you a 4 just because of all of your other great stories. Yeah, we all have our bad days and make silly mistakes.
For the Any Mouse guy from MIT you might try going to the university's Quantum Physics lab and have them explain the behavior of sub atomic particles. There's where you find weird.
Respectfully,
Mike S.
I'd Like To Echo...
The following quote from Tired Texan:
. . .Yes, this could have, and has, happened in one form or another. The mother's reaction is totally possible. . .
Your stories usually hit a mark with me, in some form or other. It is very rare when I don't grasp your point or find similarities to/with events in my real off-site life. This story hit a mark that occured recently in real life.
Last month I became a grandmother. Around 9:30 am my son called and told me that he'd almost lost the child's mother as a result of severe hemmorage and Placenta Privia. They thought that, if the bleeding couldn't be stopped, she would need a hysterectomy. Mommy is only 22.
Fortunately, the hysterectomy did not occur, and mommy, daughter, and daddy are slowly returning to a full and healthy life with talk of more children in the next few years.
I am glad that Pete and Janice have carried on and are planning to live their lives as THEY see is right for them. Do I condone incest as a rule? No. But when there is a deep and abiding love and sincere affection and caring involved... do we, as a society, have the right to put a label on love?
Pete did what was right by and for Marie. She is the one who pulled away from him and forgot the "in sickness and in health" portion of their vows.
Would love to see a second chapter please.
Too hurried
You are rushing this story. For starters, let me point out to other commenters that whether you like the characters (and/or their actions) and whether the story is well written or not are two entirely separate things. Often the point of the story is to tell the tale of someone who is having difficulty, real difficulty, in life. In this case, I have trouble with the husband's readiness to reject his wife instead of trying to help her through what is for her a hellishly difficult situation.
And then personal pronouns: Would you write "Dinner for I..."? Of course not. Then why write "Dinner for Janice and I..."? Cheers, PikkuKalle
excellent
I love the way you write. Makes me interested in the author I want to know more about you
BRAINWASHED
No one is as good at this task as your own loving parents, cause they get to you when your whole outlook on life is being formed. I didn't care much for the story, but it was well written.
Rushed
I think the story has more potential than was evident from what we have to read. The timeline was puzzling but I almost see it as a rough outline of a story that deserves more thought and detail than what I see. IMHO not at the same level of others I have read from Scorpia44,
vice is nice but incest is best
terrible what happened to his wife but she needed to get over it and continue to be a loving wife and mother but she retreated into herself....glad the lad got away to work and learn a honest trade and the daughter knew what he needed as did she ...life will be good for them....as for the wife and mother they have the rest of their days to be vacant and morose and lifeless souls....they got what they deserved...
MAKING EXCUSES TO BEGIN AN ILLICIT HAPPENING
by throwing caution and morality to the wind. TK U MLJ LV NV
Too sad and twisted to be a good story...
First time I've read this story, there's nothing to enjoy here. I can enjoy some incest stories if they're well written, but this one isn't.
First off, the husband abandons his wife when she loses touch with reality after a miscarriage and emergency hysterectomy. She obviously needs help, but the husband just pouts, demands sex and affection and, failing to receive it, threatens to leave her or start an affair. He apparently never even considers getting her to a shrink.
Secondly, his daughter suddenly slides into his bed and they have sex - Dad doesn't even hesitate. She announces that he must have sex with her at least once a week, that he divorce her mother, and that they go live someplace else. Dad calls the mother-in-law and tells her to come get his wife because "she's spaced out" and there won't be anyone to care for her when he leaves for vacation with their daughter. Sweet guy, huh?
The husband and daughter are losers. They're just too cruel for me to enjoy the story, a story that's not very well written. Timeline's hosed, characters are 2 dimensional, dialogue is not believable. If you're going to write interesting, sexy, incest, you have to first build a somewhat believable scenario wherein the characters acknowledge the taboo nature of it, yet find a reason, or excuse, to overcome their reluctance and pursue that relationship - or maybe you have the characters raised in, or belonging to, a pre-existing, incestual environment. You have to give the reader something. There has to be some reason, some kind of progression from "normal" familial relations to a sexual one - crossing societal boundaries is rarely sudden and without pain or stress. You offered very little, if anything, in that regard. As a result, your story seems wooden, rushed, and not believable. My opinion.
The sad thing is that some people believe this
Some deeply religious women still believe that marriage in general and sex in particular is only for the purpose of making babies. Once the babies stop her only job is to raise the brood that she has produced. In Marie's case when her reproductive capacity was removed from her body. Her job was done. I think this train wreck was going to happen in any case because once menopause set in her eggs would have stopped being produced. At that point the sex would have ended. Even masturbation would have been a sin in her eyes because self gratification is a sex act that is not aimed at producing children. Religion can be a good presence in a couples life but not in this case.
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