This story is really good and I would have given it a higher rating but for the spelling and grammar mistakes that really detract from the flow of the story.
Dont be discouraged. If you could find an editor your writing would be over the top!!
by
Anonymous06/22/08
Very erotic story
I agree with the previous comment though. A second going through would have been good. Or finding yourself an editor or beta reader. A second set of eyes will often catch what you miss the first or second time. Otherwise a very erotic story. Made me wish that I was Sara. Good job.
by
Anonymous06/23/08
Background
Good story but it could have used some background. What did he do, fly in and go to the local Virgins-Are-Us store?
by
Anonymous06/24/08
Sounded more like rape to me
Its interesting how you attempted to make what was basically a rape into something that the woman supposedly enjoyed. Do you actually think a virgin arab woman would just take a man back her place like that, protest against several of his action, which he selffishly ignores, and then acts like its the best thing that happened to her? You are one messed up person with a perspective like that.
English
Really good
This story is really good and I would have given it a higher rating but for the spelling and grammar mistakes that really detract from the flow of the story.
Dont be discouraged. If you could find an editor your writing would be over the top!!
Very erotic story
I agree with the previous comment though. A second going through would have been good. Or finding yourself an editor or beta reader. A second set of eyes will often catch what you miss the first or second time. Otherwise a very erotic story. Made me wish that I was Sara. Good job.
Background
Good story but it could have used some background. What did he do, fly in and go to the local Virgins-Are-Us store?
Sounded more like rape to me
Its interesting how you attempted to make what was basically a rape into something that the woman supposedly enjoyed. Do you actually think a virgin arab woman would just take a man back her place like that, protest against several of his action, which he selffishly ignores, and then acts like its the best thing that happened to her? You are one messed up person with a perspective like that.
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