The Return Ch. 01

Great Start

Hope it gets finished, looking foward to it. Thanks.

Very promising

So finish it quickly, the sooner, the better. G.Belgium

so far i like it

title said it all:)

So far so good.

Carry on

Patience Mr. Belgium - Methinks Twill Be Worth It

Lead On Author as more than so far so good.

I do however hope you are not writing this on the fly as stress and the mindless memory can be horrible things to a good story.

Best to write it in total then you can change ch.2 or 1 without distortion to ch.3 while trying to stay the plot path intended.

Looking good Author.

With High Regard

This is simply

too short to be a chapter, or to be voted on. Neither high nor low votes are fair.

13 miles Northeast of Montego Bay

Is In the Hill Country of Jamaica. Montego Bay lies on the Southwest quadrant of Jamaica on the North side of the Island. To see more of Jamaica go here: http://maps.google.com/maps?f=q&hl=en&geocode=&q=M ontego+Bay,+Jamaica&sll=26.02314,-80.116832&sspn=0.0 10046,0.015965&ie=UTF8&ll=18.229351,-77.423401&spn=2.7 18035,4.086914&z=8 You'll have to copy and paste the link in your browser .... In later comments you talk about Dunns River Falls which is near Ocho Rios - also on the North Side of Jamaica, then you refer to Hedonism II which is in Negril on the Western Shore of Jamaica - quite a bit of moving around for a two day tour.

Other than that, I don't see how this story, at least this episode belongs in "Loving Wives" There is hardly a wife mentioned.

Well, I can't get it right either

Montego Bay is in the Southwest quadrant of Jamaica, NOT on the north side of the island (leaving out the word NOT made a huge difference in my previous comment.) AND I do want to say that even though I think the story is in the wrong category, I still want to read the continuation, it does sound very interesting.

Very nice start

I really enjoyed it. Hopefully the tale will have a goodly number of chapters or the succeeding ones will be longer. I think you are a very talented addition to the site and hope you become a regular contributor.

Come on who really gives a fuck where it is?

N, E, S, W, Who the fuck cars this isn't a georgraphy class it's fuck store web site. Gret real!!!!

Intriguing start

Great tease for a start.

Sound like there has been quite a bit of water under the bridge and is still there.

Look forward to succeeding chapters.

So far so good

I wonder if the parents are really dead. Our hero sounds a bit like Superman or at least Bruce Wayne.

Interesting story!

As stated, we apologize in advance to the author of this story for using this comment box to send a message to another seriously inept "want-to-be" author. For the record, we enjoyed this "particular story" which proves there are some great writers on this site. Anyway, here is the message to be delivered to the readers & other authors on this site:

Attention: Bonnietaylor & sidekick "wisheswhitewomen" -

This author [named above] is terrible at drafting anything that resembles a decent plot line with nominal & basic sentence structure. And then on top of the author's incompetence, we are exposed to the immaturity & "over-the-top" comments made by the author and some idiot named; 'wantwhitewomen". Has this site sunk so low to allow such excrement to exist on this site? OMG, if there was an IQ requirement to post something on this site, these idiots would fail without a doubt. So back to the original message - author, get some serious editing assistance and quit making yourself look so "stupid". Furthermore, shed the relationship of that fucked-up sidekick you seem to adore and emulate. In other words, "get real" and stop the immature drivel you profess to be your best efforts. Quit while you may still have some respect to be gained!

Good start

Good beginning! I enjoyed the sense of place, which you blended well into the narrative. I look forward to the next chapter.
Cheers, AngeloM

good plot

yea, he's really turned into a responsible adult to turn over a fortune to-he just didn't have time to talk to his mom in 7 yrs. i guess the armesteads sabotaged the folks to steal the business.

Enjoyable story, but...

There are some 'continuity' problems between this chapter and later ones... One example:

You wrote "Dean did not know the history between Geoff and Robert Armestead but, judging from his godson's words...things were going to get very interesting."

Clearly, as we learn in Chapters 2 and 3, EVERYONE knows about the history between Geoff and Robert.

Still, a very enjoyable story, and I'm looking forward to more chapters (I've read through Chapter 3 so far... can't wait for Ch 4!)

great start!

Great start! The author has not only a great command of English and proper writing, but is also extremely easy to follow. Not much more to say yet. RAG

Intriguing and very enjoyable opening

In this openning chapter I could find the beginning threads of what could become any combination of an adventure-thriller-dramatic family conflict(s). You planted all of the ingredients in this maticulously detailed chapter. It's a high bar you set for yourself and I am more than eager to see you keeping on the same level...

A simply fun start

Let's see where this goes I like Geoff so far heh

that was great

I enjoyed that...... reading the rest now. Thankyou.

boring

too much like so many others

Well Written!

Good read thanks for sharing.

Boring, hope the next chapter picks up a bit more.

DESCRIPTIVE,CONCISE AND REAL

For anyone who thinks that working under water at 65 feet is boring I'll take him with me and feed him to a cat fish.

Enjoyed it

An interesting beginning. Can't wait to see where this goes.

Loving it

Very well written and an engaging intro. Five stars.

Shows promise

Still, it shows what happens when someone lazily writes about something they don't know. Lazily because they don't do the simplest of research. No one goes into the SEALS straight out of NOTC. Officers in SEAL teams are either Lieuts or Lieut Cdrs. It takes about 4 to 5 years to achieve Lieut rank. So another glaring error is that you have him as a Lieut in a matter of months. Nope, he is first an ensign then lieut j. g. then lieut. Perhaps you confused navy rank with that of the other services. Again, lazy writing.

Not

another g.d. Navy SEAL! I'm certain that training will come in handy later in the story. But, a great start to this story. (I assume his last dive resulted in a find worth millions.)

RACC Warning

It's coming.

Racc?

Raccoons can be real pests. They turn up everywhere.

Second time through...

A really well written story. Five stars.

Navy SEALS

You just had to throw that in. Jesus Christ. Can't go on after that. Why not just a cape and tights and he can be superman.