This story was so poorly written that I couldn't finish it. Flipping between first person and third person, with no clear indication of whose perspective the reader is seeing, makes for a story difficult to follow. It might have been a good story line; keep trying.
-- KK in Texas
It could have used a bit more editing and changing from the first to third person was very distracting... but I'm interested in where you'll take the story. Keep writing!
Ok, I'm not big on non-human or lesbian sories. I had some what of a problem following the story, but as I said, this wasn't my cup of tea. I'm just being honest with you. I gave you a four because of your efforts. You might want to consider have someone edit your stories before you post.
I started out on my own and found out that I'm not the best with grammer and sentence structure. I now have all my stories looked ovr by editors.
Keep writing and good luck to you
DG Hear
Hm... had no problem following the plot at all - and found it rather intriguing. Intriguing enough to overlook minor stylistic weaknesses and still give you an honest 5 for it. I am certainly looking forward to the next installment(s?) of this story.
English
sorry......
This story was so poorly written that I couldn't finish it. Flipping between first person and third person, with no clear indication of whose perspective the reader is seeing, makes for a story difficult to follow. It might have been a good story line; keep trying.
-- KK in Texas
I liked it!
It could have used a bit more editing and changing from the first to third person was very distracting... but I'm interested in where you'll take the story. Keep writing!
Not my cup of tea.
Ok, I'm not big on non-human or lesbian sories. I had some what of a problem following the story, but as I said, this wasn't my cup of tea. I'm just being honest with you. I gave you a four because of your efforts. You might want to consider have someone edit your stories before you post.
I started out on my own and found out that I'm not the best with grammer and sentence structure. I now have all my stories looked ovr by editors.
Keep writing and good luck to you
DG Hear
Interesting plot
Hm... had no problem following the plot at all - and found it rather intriguing. Intriguing enough to overlook minor stylistic weaknesses and still give you an honest 5 for it. I am certainly looking forward to the next installment(s?) of this story.
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