by thelimeyfromhell
I could not get past the first "It is for you". Can not you use contractions?
An okay story shot down by poor writing. The contractions were part of the problem.<p>I also found some howlers:<p><p>"Her 38B breast had dark brown nipples" - One breast with multiple nipples? freak show!<br>"A women I had wanked over" - She is a weeemin! like the drunk in Mrs Winterbourne.<p>Not that bad, but please use an editor.
On the whole, I enjoyed this -- although I would have liked to have seen more build-up and tension between the narrator & Mrs. Jones before they had sex. It reminded me of a couple of teachers I lusted for in high school. The music references made me smile. Perhaps "Slap and Tickle" should have been playing at the end. :-) I do agree with the previous posters' criticism though, but don't let that deter you from continuing to write. The more you write, the better you'll get. Keep at it!