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In Sara

byyoubadboy©
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by Anonymous

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by Anonymous07/27/08

Awesome.

Great build-up in this chapter, would really like go see them get their own apartment, but please leave out Marnie, I think that would just dilute the tension and the dichotomy of their relationship. He needs to grow mentally, and giving him more pussy would certainly not help in my opinion. Thanks once again for the story and I cannot what for your continuation on Home for the Holidays.

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by Anonymous07/27/08

As usual, great work

Fantastic job as usual, cant wait for more. Can't say anything bad about this story, but the idea of marne in it doesnt quite fit. The way she was mentioned in this chapter left a negative association with her. She seems easy and just some girl. To be honest, I completely forgot about her in the time since the first chapter came out. I am not against another lady coming into the relationship to change the dynamic a bit since I know you'll do a great job with it. As a idea, it's good, just dont do it with Marne. On a side note, it seems like your muse has returned, since this a fairly quick release, any chance on a continuation of the "car ride" series? It's my favorite. Regardless, keep up the good work, we appreciate it.

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by Anonymous07/27/08

So Good!

Your stories consistantly blow my mind they're so hot and this is no exception. This made me absolutely crazy! The buil-up and tension is so good. Please keep writing!

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by Anonymous07/28/08

great writing

You have a great story as it is, I don't think you need anybody else in it. What you've got between them is very very hot and real. I guess there's no way this can end well, probably your best solution is to leave the ending open at some point.

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by formiscuse07/29/08

Can't wait to see where this goes.

Excellent job. The writing is intense and completely engrossing, and the story has kept me checking back constantly for the next installments. Great work.

As to where to take the story, that's an interesting question. I believe that adding Marnie is an excellent idea; she's a character that has the potential act as a foil for Sara, and she can magnify the already considerable tension between the two main leads. Questions I would ask myself include how she'll be developed, given that this story focuses so intensely on Sara and David. How will she differentiate herself? Just thoughts.

Absolutely looking forward to the next chapter. =)

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by Anonymous07/29/08

Awesome!!!

Loved the story. It was so erotic. I'd love for them to move in together and get married followed by having some kids. A little anal couldn't hurt either.

You can write that they tell their parents that they're going to move in together to save on expenses and experience the world on their own.

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by johntc2407/29/08

well built

enjoyed your story, well layered and structured. Your charecters are so real the story took on life. Thanks

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by Anonymous07/29/08

Sibling love affair

Please just have David and Sara in the apartment! Thier love can grow and they can have a romance. The other girl would spoil the storyline. A taboo forbidden love is compelling! Let them grow and marry; there are more sibling couples than people realise.

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by menalaos07/29/08

Great Stuff

Excellent work, as always. And I think you can still use your original plan of Sara trying to pawn her brother off on Mamie after they all move in together. But of course, that's not going to dampen either siblings' ardor for the other.

I suppose the stroke story resolution would be a threesome with Mamie. But I think it would be more gratifying in the long run if there is some nasty drama that ends with Sara and her brother developing a deeper, more adult relationship.

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by Anonymous07/30/08

Marnie

I'm surprised that so many people are against the idea of the main characters moving in with Marnie. What makes the story compelling (and so fucking hot) is the taboo of it; once the characters completely give in, the story is over and has no place left to go. So I don't see them running away and making babies (though having them _want to_ is certainly hot and understandable). It'd be a "happy" ending, sure, but I think it would both be a less interesting ending and would be less of a turn-on for those of us that go wild for the forbiddenness of it all: "We're being bad," are the hottest three words ever written. Please keep the sex _bad_.

So contrary to most everyone else, I say follow your original vision for the story (with Sara attempting to wean David off of her using Marnie as a standin). I want Sara and David to fuck, definitely. But I don't think that David sleeping with Marnie (whether or not described explicitly in the text) could hurt anything. I want them to be fighting their desires every step of the way.

The Hot Tub, I think, is my favorite story on the site, though you have a _ton_ of standouts to choose from. But, god, I keep coming back to that one. And some of the hottest scenes are where he's fucking Sophie, not T. Because the dirty talk drives me insane and builds the suspense, and makes the ending with T that much riskier and sexier and so fucking _bad_.

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by Anonymous07/31/08

Love It

Actually, I think if you have them move in together and Marnie as well...a three way for David! Also, maybe Sara can do some bisexual stuff too! But you've GOT to keep Sara and David together and having LOTS of great sex! Marnie can be fit into the story very naturally if they both enjoy her together, why can't they both fall in love with Marnie too and still have each other every day?

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by Anonymous08/01/08

Amazing

We don't want Marnie in it because what they share is so beautiful, so amazing and wonderful, throwing her into it would make it cheap, dirty. I can't wait for the next one!

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by Anonymous08/02/08

Your Choice!

I'll tell you why we don't want Marine, it takes away from the love aspect of the story, BUT I think if you do it the right way we will all accept it. Maybe they can try it and decided they like it just the two of them and kick her out, or they can agree that she can be another person they try to keep their relationship from but then that would defeat the purpose of them moving out. Well you are The Tease-master, so I'm sure you will find a way to keep us Cumming Back for more, whatever you decide.

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by Anonymous08/03/08

Maybe Marnie

I don't so much like the idea of Marnie. But not because I think David and Sara should get married and have kids--that would be completely corny and unrealistic. I can accept Marnie if you make her just a pawn that temporarily gets caught up in their emotional games.

I think you could explore David's jealous side more. Maybe Sara feels the need to wean David off of her because he is getting too jealous and controlling. I just hope you don't make Marnie a permanent fixture in their lives. While David and Sara don't have to end up together, I think most people still want the story to center on their relationship, and not some third party.

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by Anonymous08/05/08

perhaps

The idea of Marnie being there is so out of the blue atm, if you want us to accept it you'll need to work it in so that there is an emotional as well as a sexual connection to her. If anyone can do that you can, but the privacy of their relationship, the way the taboo of it isolates them and brings them closer, thats one of the most attractive aspects for me.

The story was amazing, as usual, I love the style and imagery. I think they should move in together, more encounters where the atmosphere and privacy is created by the characters and not the situation. Perhaps some kind of event where they go with different partners and end up together.

I must stress that once again I'm in awe of your writing.

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by Anonymous08/06/08

marnie? please no...

I am a huge fan of your works even English is my 3rd language.I admire of your style of escalating the heat between the couple,punctuation of the hesitancies and the true lust of characters.
I read every word of your work here.If I may,please do not add another character between them. Its one of the most attracting side of the story is the purity of love they are sharing.Not a 3some fantasy or cheap penetration descriptions.
Ilike your idea of sharing a house just for them.
Thanks for your great effort.

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by Anonymous08/13/08

i agree with the emotion part of it

I think that he needs to finally "feel" the emotion part of it. Their needs to be a connection more than sex.

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by Anonymous08/19/08

On Marnie

First of all I love your writing in general, and the Sara stories in particular. The two so far are certainly among the best I've read on the site. Many thanks. More would be always be welcome.

With regard to Marnie, I think what matters is that she's used to enhance what you're already doing well. The strengths of the first two parts lie in the believability of the situation, the tension, and the personal connection. It feels real, exciting and personal.
As others have mentioned, it's pretty clear that Marnie could be used to heighten the tension. The key is to do this without losing the believability or character. For me that means avoiding the usual all-women-are-bisexual bit, as well as some kind of let's-all-have-one-big-threesome conclusion.

On the other hand, if you're involving Marnie significantly, then I'd want to be interested in her as a character. If she's merely a pawn/object/catalyst-for-jealousy, then there's an extent to which she'll be diluting the narrative. I'd rather see Sara and David develop strong connections to her (preferably not sexual from Sara), and leave David with a more nuanced choice than between taboo-but-wonderful, and safe-but-dull.

I guess you'd have to write some scenes from Sara's perspective if you were going to develop the SaraMarnie connection without going all threesometastic. Of course you could just use the diary again for that - living in their own apartment could make Sara think it's safe to use the diary; being jealous at David+Marnie could make her both less cautious, and more in need of reflection. That'd be a natural way to throw a load of Sara's thoughts on David into a Sara+Marnie scene, while keeping it through David's eyes.

I think that by using a fully developed and involved Marnie, you'll have the opportunity to end things on a more complex and interesting note.

With luck you're way ahead of me on all this anyway, and will do things differently-but-better.


[[[Finally, one small criticism which only bothers me because your writing is so involving: occasionally you've used incorrect homonyms of the words you mean (a few "your"s where you mean "you're"s, a "whose" where you meant "who's", an "it's" where you meant "its").
It's a tiny point next to the many merits of your writing, but it does break me out of the reality of the story for a moment. The fact that it's such a compelling reality makes it more upsetting to leave.]]]

Thanks again.

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by Anonymous08/25/08

So fucking hot...

From the first touches on the top bunk to David taking Sara from behind...Incredible. Moving in with Marnie could be interesting because they would have to keep their relationship secret from her. I love the idea of them almost getting caught by her. I am not that interested in a threesome, but I do like the idea of Marnie teasing both siblings seperately with her own agenda. Just keep her unaware of their relationship.

Your writing is incredible. I feel like you know my desires. Please don't ever stop. J

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by Anonymous08/29/08

idea

you have have the two siblings move in together, but have sara mature and grow up into conventional society. maybe she gets a career job and becomes attached to a coworker, or the coworker to her. this provides an opportunity for sara to normalize and not be bad anymore. the tension of the story is kept with sara drifting away from her brother socially yet their love and lust remains present.

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by Anonymous09/07/08

So real and sensual

I absolutely enjoyed your Sara series - so real and sensual as to where to go next? I loved it when they were almost caught by their parrents or in bar where she was on his lap. The unexplored region of anal sex is also worth exploring. But also consider the things they would do at home during a normal week day - the close encounters, the secret meetings and the teasing and the dangers of being caught out. Wow - please continue your amazing talent.

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by Anonymous10/30/08

Great Story

This story is just great. Maybe having marnie in the story would create more jealousy, on Sara's part, and cause her to chase instead. It would be interesting to see them grow apart because of Marnie. haha i don't know, i'm not an author and certainly do not have the imagination that you have. Great story again, hope you release the next part soon!

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by Anonymous11/02/08

more more

where is the next part got to ? the first two parts came so close together what happened its too good to stop now lol

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by scribbleskillz12/12/08

easily one of my favorites!

I have no idea why I kept skipping over this series when browsing the pages of Lit, but about a month ago, I dove in and have yet to be disappointed with your work. This series is so captivating i can hardly describe it. well done, sir. I really hope you continue. as for where to go from here... well i do think they should move in together to keep interest. sure introduce marnie, bring her there as well, but in order to keep the strength of the story, i believe, Sara needs to be a part of their union if it is to occur. wish you luck and can't wait to read what comes out of it.

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by Anonymous01/17/09

WOW

Just one of the best. It starts out real smooth and then builds. Keep up the good work.

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by Anonymous01/30/09

publisher

hello
i think you should make this into a book
peaple will love it
there are some assholes who whould hate it
but most will love it
finish this story off
and then send send send!
(to the publisher's)

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by Anonymous02/08/09

I wish..

You wrote more often.. your stories turn me on like nothing else.

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by yumago02/15/09

The second I wish....

I agree, I really wish you wrote more. Your stories are amazing! I think I've liked your stories more than anyone else's on this site. Please, I'm practically on my knees here, continue this masterpiece!

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by Anonymous05/12/09

Still Waiting

Your stories have continued to build, in entertainment and in quality, and I'm anxious for more...

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by Anonymous05/19/09

One of the best

The Sara stories are some of the best I've read here. Adding Marnie to the mix after they move to their own apartment would be an interesting continuation of the series. Keep up the good work.

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by Anonymous08/09/09

Well done

I loved it, i hope you continue the series!

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by Anonymous01/31/10

Wow...........

That has to be THE hottest story ever. Never have I read something so erotic. I found myself grinding my pussy on the chair in line with your words. I am just sooo horny now.
I'm off to find my vibrator!
Oh yeah, thank you!!

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by Anonymous05/18/10

Nice Story

Very well done, hope this series continues. The story is compelling and well constructed in ways not often found on Literotica. Hope to see more of this series.

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by Digitalneo05/22/10

An idea

Great story so far, not often do you read so much build up and conflict. As the reader I literally want it as much as the characters.

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by PashasBaby06/03/10

SMDH

I can't believe I never commented on this little tale. Obviously I love it since I come back time and again. Please, if you ever continue the Sara/David stories do not make Marnie a principal charcter. Write her like you wrote Mike, only as contrast to the real deal. The beauty of the way you write is partly due to the "hermetically sealed" world of the two. Everyone and everything else is irrelevant.
K.K.L.B. ^_^

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by Anonymous07/01/10

Wow!

This is an awesome story!! One of the best i've read! Really well done! I really hope that you are going to continue this series at some point in the near future??? I for one cannot wait!

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by Anonymous09/23/10

Best story on Literotica

All the Sara stories are awesome. The best I've read on here. I find them to be very unique and entertaining. Please continue them.

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by Anonymous11/25/10

Know when to fold 'em

In Sara's Pants and Sara's Car Trip are two of the best stories, two of the best characters, two of the most enjoyable and thrilling experiences, in my more than 20 years of story collecting! You are VERY talented.

However I see you asking your readers to tell you where to go. Those who can, write, those who can't tell other writers what to write. Odds are their advice will take you down the slope from the pinnacle you've reached and into mundane territory occupied by so very many mediocre stories. Threesomes. Bondage. Countless fetishes. Ho. Hum. Click!

You likely know why these stories are so wildly popular and successful. The characters are way above porn, real, gentle, tender, loving people who care about each other. Ignore the entreaties of others to create just more porn, and continue to develop these characters only if what they do feels to YOU as though it's a natural 'nother thing they might do together, while keeping them as themselves.

Otherwise, fold them, spoon them together, and let more millions of readers discover them without getting bored with them because they went on too long and became very ordinary.

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by Danno1901/04/11

Sara

Titty fuck part sent me off ...

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by Anonymous01/25/11

Wonderful!

I usually don't go in for this genre but you may have changed my mind. I read this story and "In Sara's Pants" to my husband as we drove back from his sister's house after New Years. The stories we write for each other have just taken a delicious turn!

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by Anonymous02/10/11

Good Work

Excellent Story Telling. The Conflict and the battle of the characters to no completely consumate their passion is what shows the calibre of your writing.

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by Anonymous03/03/11

This story is still incomplete. We never find out if they moved in together or not. I hope you do eventually finish this story someday.

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by Anonymous03/27/11

Happy Ending

I really want to see Sara and David move into their own place and live happily ever after. They have fallen in love and should be together.
Thank you for the great story.

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by styx444405/06/11

Another?

Please add another story to this series, it's outstanding. I can't wait for it to keep going

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by Anonymous07/06/11

To let Sara and David move in with each other is a great idea. Not so sure about Marnie. That would make it tricky, and more difficult to balance the story. You could actually end up destroying the story by making it a threesome. Keep Sara and David together, and make them move. My advice would be to just keep it at those two, but if you need to put Marnie in, don't fall for the temption to move it to an orgy of lesbianism. And most importanly whatever you do, DON'T bring in Mike or any other male in the story. The moment you do that the story is doomed...

My experience with stories that has two girls and a male in it is that the stories that doesn't include lesbian interactions are much better. Stories with lesbian sex and a male partner gets corny and akward, and have a total lack of realiscm wich wipes out the entire story, and quickly looses the interest of the readers.

As said. Preferably just keep it at David and Sara. That would make your writing easier, and you won't have to struggle to keep the balance in the story all the time.

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by Anonymous08/02/11

i agree with the whoever said this

First off, great story.I agree with one of the other commentors, adding Marnie isn't right. The story is great as it is with their internal struggle as it is. Marnie isn't even a intrical character in the story so bringing her in would be completely out of left field. If you are still intent on adding another element. Make their little brother more involved, but not in a sexual way. You could make him findout or that he already knows. His character is more integrated in the story than marnie. Its just a thought but please don't add marnie.

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by Anonymous08/06/11

holy mother of god!

In Sara's Pants and In Sara are two of the absolutely BEST erotic stories I have ever read on this site or anywhere. The emotional conflict and sexual tension develop so skillfully. I do not think you should add Marnie; as has been stated, doing so would detract from the excellence you've developed thus far and would negatively change the relationship. Personally, I would like to read them discover anal sex, but that's my own fetish. Your writing on this story is wonderful. I look forward to reading more.

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by Anonymous09/02/11

Ass

I agree with those who say marnie shouldn't get involved, maybe if your taboo of the brother sister intimacy is getting less 'hot', you could consider adding the new taboo of anal with his sister because she's never done it or because she still doesn't let him fuck her as soon as they move in

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by Anonymous11/09/11

Best Story Ever

You have an undeniably story telling talent. The In Sara series is the best pieces of erotica in the Taboo category. The stories get hotter and hotter. I think in the next chapter, Sara begins spending less time with David while keeping the teasing constant in an attempt to persuade him that moving in together is a great move. There's no doubt that their lust only intensifies after that point. Also, I agree to keep the focus on David and Sara.

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by Gianetta11/11/11

Delicious

You've captured the essence of great erotic writing with your rhythm and style and what you reveal, layer by layer, tantalizes.

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