All Comments on 'Cookie was My First'

by Toolmo

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  • 6 Comments
AnonymousAnonymousover 15 years ago
Good premise-poorly executed

You need to have someone proof your work-Too many grammatical and spelling mistakes take away from the story. It's housewares not house wares. You do not use 's to make something plural. This reads like a story you're telling your buddies.

epiphany65epiphany65over 15 years ago
Needs editing

I agree with the comment about this needing editing. You write well; it's a shame simple errors detract from your story. Getting a volunteer editor to go over your stories will make a big difference and improve the ratings readers give you. Don't let this criticism discourage you -- even professional authors have editors look for mistakes and errors. Keep writing!

AnonymousAnonymousabout 14 years ago

bad

ReiDeBastosReiDeBastosalmost 9 years ago
Get an editor

The piece is full of spelling, grammar and punctuation problems, making it difficult to read at times.

The most frequent one was your tendency to use 's (apostrophe s) to indicate a plural, which is almost never correct.

Here are the examples f this which I found in the piece, each followed by the correct plural in parentheses:

mostly farming family's (families)

With in six month's (months)

with many of the other's (others)

in the house ware's (Housewares)

Cookie had the hot's for me (hots)

wander over to the house ware's dept (Housewares)

leaving me in my brief's (briefs)

she unsnapped her cut off's (cutoffs)

I had a full tent going on in my brief's. (briefs)

many first's in my sex life (firsts)

A competent editor would have caught these errors, making the piece far more readable.

-Rei

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 9 years ago
Bald

Bald heads seems to be the rage - why ? Bald pussies look like chicken skin and is not appealing. Why do girls do this ? Even men shave themselves I've been informed but for the life of me; why ? Women must do this in order to think they are preteens and those men who enjoy such ugly looking pussies must have a pervert mind and think they are young nine year old girls. Sorry, but your story and others with bald puddy kats are just not enjoyable. Give me a thick muff anytime.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 5 years ago
Lucky Guy

Good story but the title is a bit confusing. I'm guessing you meant that Cookie was your first mature woman/milf and the first whose ass you fucked, since you seemed experienced in every other way. I'm sure it was exciting to have a hot "more experienced and hot", older woman take control for the night. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Anonymous
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