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English
it was ok
u need an editor it was a good plot but it needs to be edited nice thoguh
THANX?
thanx for the feedback ill be sure to pay more attention in my next story i was just a bit woo the night i wrote it lol
ok for a first time
please keep writing there aren't enough black girl white guy stories
You did great!!!
Please write more and ignore everyone else,it needs work.But it was an excellent first try.
Good job
I enjoyed your story..with time and practice you will be able to work out the mistakes. the more one practices, the faster one improves. Please write more...thank you for you story!
Good job
I enjoyed your story..with time and practice you will be able to work out the mistakes. the more one practices, the faster one improves. Please write more...thank you for you story!
Tell "Passable"
He should learn how to spell. Is he going to 'advise' you or is he going to give you 'advice'? There'a a BIG difference between the 2!
Nice freshman effort, but needs improvement.
A good first effort. Still, a bit more tantalisation is in order. Build up the excitement some more, then the climax comes that much harder. And hitting Spell Check would help a good bit, but can only go so far. Spell Check can tell that "seep" is a valid English word, but can't tell from context that you _meant_ "deep".
And you may take some crap for "betraying your race". Let it roll off your back; betraying your True Will is _much_ worse!
All in all, an interesting point of view and arousing story. I will watch for your future efforts with delight. I wish you well!
Oops!
R.e. my previous comment, if I used the phrase "let it roll off your back", I should have used the word "grief" instead of "crap". Oh well, that's why one edits after the white-hot fires of creation have cooled. My apologies.
White guy/black girl
I liked this story because reading about a white guy fucking a black girl is so hot. There should definitely be more of these stories! Ur story was great, keep it up!
KaramelKiss
A good editor...
is all this story needs.
Sexy
I came so much after wanking off to this story
:)
Well I've had 3 years to think about all of the things i was doing wrong.( and no I wasn't in jail. I just haven't been on in a while.) I haven't been on here in a while, but now I'm thinking of coming back and writing with more patience and diligence. I read through my stories and quickly found my errors. Thank you to all the people who've commented over those few years. :)
Good Story
Some minor errors, but really doesn't take away from the story. I like the way you gave her side of the story. Keep writing, and your stories will get better and better. You have the talent!
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