but the short chapters really are a turn off. Seeing as how each seem to be teasers, I can wait until you've finished the entire story. Then I can truly just sit back and enjoy it. But, aside from the length of the chapters, it's pretty decent writing. Keep up the good work.
by
Anonymous08/02/08
Longer chapters please!
really liking this story but like other comments made, installments could do with being longer. just as you get into it, it finishes, kinda frustrating!! looking forward to chapter 4!
by
Anonymous08/02/08
good chapter
Finally we are getting to the good stuff. I do not mind the length it just means hopefully lots more chapters to come.
Wanda
It's a good story though. I'd like to see Nick crawl a bit. It's great that he's the arrogant, alpha male type. That's very attractive but no one can bring an alpha male to his knees like the woman he loves. Nynia needs to take back some of the control, make him work for it, just a little.
Your writing shows potential... Sexual tension, imagination, and realistic dialogue. The minor spelling and punctuation errors detract from the flow. Using one of the volunteer editors should catch the (your - you're) mistakes, and correct your punctuation. Even experienced writers make use of editors.
great story! I like this chapter alot. I like Nick's character because of the contrast between the God like looks and the insecurity he showed when he talked to his parents. The playboy rep with the desire for family.
The one questions is since when does lucian and Damien have kids? Damien dies in the 'demon at her door' so this is before and lucian didn't have kids...did he? ok, that has nothing to do with this story but...
hope you develop their relationship and let us see them interact with more than just sex.
English
!
I wish your chapters were longer!
I like this story
but the short chapters really are a turn off. Seeing as how each seem to be teasers, I can wait until you've finished the entire story. Then I can truly just sit back and enjoy it. But, aside from the length of the chapters, it's pretty decent writing. Keep up the good work.
Longer chapters please!
really liking this story but like other comments made, installments could do with being longer. just as you get into it, it finishes, kinda frustrating!! looking forward to chapter 4!
good chapter
Finally we are getting to the good stuff. I do not mind the length it just means hopefully lots more chapters to come.
Wanda
I'd like longer chapters too.
It's a good story though. I'd like to see Nick crawl a bit. It's great that he's the arrogant, alpha male type. That's very attractive but no one can bring an alpha male to his knees like the woman he loves. Nynia needs to take back some of the control, make him work for it, just a little.
Yeah Baby!
Can't wait for them to hook up!
Potential is there - use volunteer editor
Your writing shows potential... Sexual tension, imagination, and realistic dialogue. The minor spelling and punctuation errors detract from the flow. Using one of the volunteer editors should catch the (your - you're) mistakes, and correct your punctuation. Even experienced writers make use of editors.
great story! I like this chapter alot. I like Nick's character because of the contrast between the God like looks and the insecurity he showed when he talked to his parents. The playboy rep with the desire for family.
The one questions is since when does lucian and Damien have kids? Damien dies in the 'demon at her door' so this is before and lucian didn't have kids...did he? ok, that has nothing to do with this story but...
hope you develop their relationship and let us see them interact with more than just sex.
keep writing!
To the person below.
I think these are different characters with the same name.
Yes
Now the ball sits in the middle of the courts, who'll dribble next?
GReat!!!
18?1
Well let me be the first to congratulate you (although by now you're older). Nonetheless, you have talent and I look forward to your other stories.
completely, disgustingly, hot... to be a fly on a wall for that scene
agree
I second that...
Hell-oooooooooooo
I would not mind losing myself to Nick either!!!!
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! or
Back to Say My Name Ch. 03 or
More submissions by secrecy456.