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All Comments on 'David's Remote, Reloaded Ch. 03'

by Thorilla

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JohnnyMaxJohnnyMaxalmost 12 years ago
Carelessness

Story has potential but careless errors spoilt it. "freaktime" instead of "freezetime" being the worst.

Proofread.

zl00pedragl0verzl00pedragl0verabout 11 years ago
A sidekick??

Just thinking Russ Baumann could use

a female sidekick who perhaps gets turned

on in a BIG WAY by all of Russ'

adventures . Perhaps they could have

adventures of their own together .

Just a thought ZL00py

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