Say My Name Ch. 05

aww damn

awww please tell me that this is a ex, because didnt this girl just go through that with her ex-husband? I mean damn!! Just when you start living again, here this shyt comes out! Damnit lol, hopefully it WILL OR SHOULD work it self out in the end!!

GODDDDDDDDD!!!!

This is torture :D lol ... Post again more.. Pleasee

Oh no!!!!!!!!! damn

Its so so unfair to leave us hanging I hope the next ch is coming soon. I love the story keep up the great work

Hex on the ex!

I am already hating the ex, and something tells me the skank sister-in-law is responsible.

awesome

Here comes the drama. I agree with the previous comment I think the sister in law had something to do with the ex coming into the picture as well. I love this couple. Guessing Adam is next.
WCD

well...

It was a good chapter, but still rushed. I know how it feels to want to get your stuff out there as quickly as you can, but stop for a minute. Just because you want to leave your readers hanging on the edge of their seats doesn't mean your chapters have to be short. Read Daniellekitten, for example, she gives us substance AND leaves us biting our nails until the next installation. You could flesh it out and give us more details and still have the same events happen. For instance, you could have described the meeting of Nick's family more, tell us exactly what went down during dinner and how Nyn felt about it. You could have detailed Nyn's fears, how they made her feel on the inside instead of just quickly glossing over them. You introduced us to Adam, but didn't give us too much to go off of. He's an adventurous sex fiend, why do we care? Make us care about him and his relationship to Nick. It's hard to connect with your characters if you don't provide us with a little more background. That includes Nick and Nynia too. When we ask for longer chapters, it's more because you don't give us enough substance. You leave us hungry, but you never quite satisfy.

This is a good story, but.....

I love this story, but I have to agree with the previous feedback. You're rushing and there is no transition from one point in the story to another. One minute two characters are having a conversation and the next it's on to the next scene. It makes it hard to keep up and that really breaks up the flow of the story. Take a little time to fill out your scenes and this story will be fantastic.

Potential

Please get an editor. This story is painful to read because of the many errors in lack of punctuation. Please please get some one to proof your work before you post.

WOW!!!!

I love stories like these on Literotica!!! I like stories that have a plot to them, well thought out and still so sexy and juicy to read. And your story is all of these things. You are a great writer, love the character and the plot. You should make another story involving Nick's friend, Adam.

wow!!

wth??!!! wow!! what a twist!! you're a really great writer, especially @ only 18!! great job!!

~*urdreamgirl*~

(sorry! i don't sign onto the site anymore, but that's my user name.) :-)

Maybe combining some of these smaller chapters would be good.

This other woman is totally out of the blue. Maybe she could have been mentioned in passing by the parents or by his friend Adam?

Hope we know who she is and why she knows of Nynia. Also why was Crystal giving him any look?


Will he let Nynia know he is serious about her...or just how serious he is? I guess being asked to meet his parents after one night together/date would say serious.

Was enjoying it but...

The paragraphs just run into each other, terribly! There's no break from one moment in time to the next. To me, it seems like you're rushing to get somewhere... and that's very disappointing. I was enjoying but.. eh!

Sorry!

Alright

Drama always comes along,when you are happy.

What happened?

Was Crystal the one that let Leslie know about Nynia?
You never really elaborated on what was the "vibe" that Nynia was getting off of Crytal.
Was she an Undercover Evil woman or just didn't like Nynia because of her race?

what?!?!?!?!?

CLIFFHANGER!

Really Nick why didn't you tie up loose ends

right

Jmh so true