All Comments on 'Student Seduces Teacher'

Don't quit your day job

You need to ask yourself questions when writing a short story. Every question can raise more questions. What you need to do is go through the scenes and work out how it could come to the conclusion you want.

Setting the scene: Where does the story take place? What time of day / year is it? Is it the end of the school day? Are their extra classes / detention? Is it the end of the school year? Has the student had problems with this subject? If she “moans and screams” will they be discovered?

Characters: What do the characters look like? Whilst you might want to leave the descriptions vague, so the reader can fill in the gaps, you do need to put some in to make the characters seem more real. What are they wearing? Why would they be attracted to each other? Have they noticed each other over the school year? In this case, I get the sensation that Mr Gordon is somehow intimidated by Chelsea. Why is this? Why doesn't he feel in control of the situation? That kind of background information helps form the characters and helps the author work out what they'd do in a situation.

If the girl is a virgin, it's not likely that they can go at it hammer and tong. What does it feel like to both of them. Why would she want him to take her virginity? It's much more erotic if there's foreplay before penetration. Why does she want this teacher to take her virginity? (it goes back to knowing about the characters' backgrounds. What sensations do they have when they're making love?

Writing dialogue: When someone speaks, put it on a new paragraph. Continue that paragraph as long as the text describes what the speaker was doing. If she says “Richard, I'm not a little girl: I'm 18”, then the “The nodded, speechless...” should be a different paragraph. This makes the story flow easier.

I think if you think through the storyline more, you'd come to realise which bits need 'tweaking” and what's missing. Don't give up writing, as you get more practice you'll become better.

So... Chelsey is a virgin that suddenly turns nimpho? Awesome plot design, awesome dialog.. This story definately should have stayed on your shelf.

So good I'm cumming all over!!