if, instead of just telling what happens like a weather report, you used the third person more and show real human emotions. The sex would have never been that fast in real life, so the story could have benefitted from being much longer and describing the seduction in more detail. There are a lot of teacher-student stories, unfortunately this one does not stand out in any way. Has potential though, try rewriting and eliminate the narration. Good luck.
I really liked your writing, but talking about yourself (or the "star" in the story) in the third person ("you")is not working. Just personalize it a little
English
This would have been so much better....
if, instead of just telling what happens like a weather report, you used the third person more and show real human emotions. The sex would have never been that fast in real life, so the story could have benefitted from being much longer and describing the seduction in more detail. There are a lot of teacher-student stories, unfortunately this one does not stand out in any way. Has potential though, try rewriting and eliminate the narration. Good luck.
third person?
I really liked your writing, but talking about yourself (or the "star" in the story) in the third person ("you")is not working. Just personalize it a little
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