All Comments on 'New York Fantasy'

If you don't know the difference between waste and waist quit writing! or find an editor who does!

Is a guarder belt some sort of chastity belt, or did you mean garter belt?

I think you meant you began to "sweat" while she began to pant - etc.

Please spare us your abuse of the language.

It is an interesting tale but badly needs editing. Spelling mistakes really jar when you are telling a story. Like scratches on a record or freezes on an internet connection. An artist will polish out those blemishes, but they often hide in plain sight for the writer. Get someone that is a grammar nazi to look at your work before you post it.

These characters appear to work well together so they could be a continuing series. How each of the girls got to that bed would be a good start. How their time together worked and how they ended would also be good. The more you put into the characters, the more rewarding the outcome is likely to be.