How could Tom's wife have rolled over and gone back to sleep when she had already left for a shopping trip with her sister?
And who the heck is Amber?
by
Anonymous08/31/08
Could use some proofreading.
You wrote "And the bikini bottoms?" when you hadn't described the top. And, which is it, does she have big hips or small hips? I imagine one of those is supposed to be "waist." And... who the hell is Amber?? Yeah... proofreading.
by
Anonymous08/31/08
come on, Andrew
The wife rolling over was obviously part of the flashback about the daughter coming home from the prom suddenly all sexy. This work needs proofing, but the reader DOES have to pay attention.
by
Anonymous08/31/08
Keep going
I can already tell how similar this story will be to "Baby Boy" only with the humiliation of the wife and mom instead of the husband and dad. It's better with a superior woman when you can compare more than dick size, like tits, ass, legs, beauty, eyes and of course the pussy. You should check out, if you haven't already, the authors Wannabeboytoy, temptanddestroy, DarkBetrayal, and Onlyafantasy.
by
Anonymous09/01/08
More chapters please....
Looking forward to more chapters. Some good potential. Hope Carrie teases her daddy further in her little bikini. He may want to "inspect" her bikini, in more detail, as she does some cleaning for him or washes his car while wearing nothing but her tiny swimsuit and a pair of heels. A more detailed description of the swimsuit and of Carrie would be nice. Keep up the good work.
This could be better than Baby Boy. Love the comparisons between the hot daughter and her huge tits and the inferior wife and mother. Keep it up. Next one soon. Please.
Proof your story. How is it that none of you that left comments failed to notice that at the end of the story he called the daughter Amber? Amature mistake.
by
Anonymous01/18/09
left wanting more
when do we get more
by
Anonymous03/08/09
great
more please soon
by
Anonymous04/19/09
Good but not the best
It was ok but you did use a different name from one of your other stories. Got a little sloppy in other places to. One thing i would suggest is to vary it from your other stories, all of sound sort of the same and its starting to get boring. You have great ideas though just keep working on it!
English
OMG !!!
Don't stop now for heavens sake ...you're driving me crazy . this story could expand so much and go on for ages . Great writing .
WOW & WOW
Awesome writing and now awaiting the second chaper with a hard tongue!!!
YES, Daughter and Daddy
I want, no I need more of this story. Thanks for the great start, keep going soon!! I need to know how they cum together.
Two Questions
How could Tom's wife have rolled over and gone back to sleep when she had already left for a shopping trip with her sister?
And who the heck is Amber?
Could use some proofreading.
You wrote "And the bikini bottoms?" when you hadn't described the top. And, which is it, does she have big hips or small hips? I imagine one of those is supposed to be "waist." And... who the hell is Amber?? Yeah... proofreading.
come on, Andrew
The wife rolling over was obviously part of the flashback about the daughter coming home from the prom suddenly all sexy. This work needs proofing, but the reader DOES have to pay attention.
Keep going
I can already tell how similar this story will be to "Baby Boy" only with the humiliation of the wife and mom instead of the husband and dad. It's better with a superior woman when you can compare more than dick size, like tits, ass, legs, beauty, eyes and of course the pussy. You should check out, if you haven't already, the authors Wannabeboytoy, temptanddestroy, DarkBetrayal, and Onlyafantasy.
More chapters please....
Looking forward to more chapters. Some good potential. Hope Carrie teases her daddy further in her little bikini. He may want to "inspect" her bikini, in more detail, as she does some cleaning for him or washes his car while wearing nothing but her tiny swimsuit and a pair of heels. A more detailed description of the swimsuit and of Carrie would be nice. Keep up the good work.
I second that!!! More Chapters!!
what are those tits going to do all couped up?
Good Job!!
Excellent start & i hope you'll post a second installment very soon.
More
This could be better than Baby Boy. Love the comparisons between the hot daughter and her huge tits and the inferior wife and mother. Keep it up. Next one soon. Please.
Lame
Proof your story. How is it that none of you that left comments failed to notice that at the end of the story he called the daughter Amber? Amature mistake.
left wanting more
when do we get more
great
more please soon
Good but not the best
It was ok but you did use a different name from one of your other stories. Got a little sloppy in other places to. One thing i would suggest is to vary it from your other stories, all of sound sort of the same and its starting to get boring. You have great ideas though just keep working on it!
Where is the rest of the story?
Your story was just getting hot. Do you have the rest of the story posted somewhere else? If not would you consider finishing it?
Part 2 please
Great start please give us chapter 2!
Part 02 Needed
It's a tragedy that this hasn't been continued.
Such a great start...
It's a start
Need more do not leave us hanging in the wind.
chapter 2 please.
Great story. Waiting for the next installment.
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