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English
enlighhtened...and a bit scary, but
the TRUTH usually is. I regret t hat your poem was not mentioned, but it has been read. YOU are a head of your time, seannelson. Kudos on your excellent piece of work here. PS, the Title ROCKS!!!! ( no pun intended)
all the best--
NJ
I'm of two minds
on this piece, which did in fact appear in the poetry reviews, so you've been given the proper recognition now.
I loved, totally loved, a lot of your language, and your basic sentiments. But there were times when I found the rhyme really distracting. This isn't necessarily an editing suggestion, since I'm not sure I would assert that you should remove the rhyme; it would change the piece entirely. I'm one reader, that's all. But I wonder what would happen if you wrote a similar piece entirely in free verse, without the seeming limitation of the rhyme? Just a thought. VEry fine work here; keep it up.
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