Outpost 59 Ch. 02

grammar errors

your story is very nice. the beginning of this chapter is a little vague and needs more description.
I feel as though this phrase should have the verb using in it. "Had fun with the bubble bath?" "


I also would have liked a little more conversation before the colonel calls her out and shows her her info. You mentioned dessert but spelled it "desert" which is kinda funny if you took it literally at first.

(Imagine the waiter bringing in buckets of sand...:) )

After the sentence then he devoured me, the next 5 or so paragraphs in which he is ravishing her breasts, the verb tenses and the personal pronoun usage gets confusing.

The rest of the story is pleasant. You have good descriptions and flow but your verb tenses also switch again. Please revise this and stick with one tense.

Thank you